


Heartbeat

by westofnowhere



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Hansen Family Feels, It’s hard to hate someone once you understand them, Loss of Limbs, M/M, Mako Mori is better than you, Movie Spoilers, Slow Burn, bionic limbs in the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 21:36:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/892147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westofnowhere/pseuds/westofnowhere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chuck shouldn't be alive, but he is. </p><p>Alive thanks to a dead man. </p><p>Now Chuck has a lot of shit to sort out. Especially himself. And a certain pretty boy has-been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To the sea

**Author's Note:**

> There's not enough Raleigh/Chuck.  
> I want more. This will be Raleigh/Chuck, yes.
> 
> Also, character studies are much fun to do. 
> 
> Also, Mako Mori is better than you. 
> 
> Also also, got inspired by a post I saw on tumblr where someone mentioned that wouldn't it be cool if Chuck survived but lost an eye and an arm. So here we go. Possible bionic limbs forthcoming. Be prepared.

It was really faint at first. So faint, that Tendo, in his preoccupied elation and worry didn’t even notice it. But it grew. And, staring hard at the sonar screen, he fumbled for the speaker.

“Mako? Raleigh? You there?  There’s life signs close to you!”

_Thump._

“Kaiju?!” They collectively gasped.

_Thump... thump._

“No, no. It’s far too small to be a kaiju.” Tendo fumbled, Herc staring daggers at the screen.

_Thump... thump... thump._

“Are you guys okay? Can you move? The choppers are on their way.”

“I’ll check it out.” It was Mako this time. Raleigh must have been in bad shape. Tendo wasn’t surprised. He stared at the monitor, feeling the tense aura radiating from Herc. The older man was anticipating something. Something good, maybe? The heartbeats...for they were indeed heartbeats, remained steady, if slow. At first.

Then, the steady rhythm, so slow and so predictable suddenly increased and grew rapidly more erratic.

It was panic. Pure panic.

Herc lurched forward, hand flying out to seize the speaker. “Hurry!” He tried to yell, but it came out as a weak, hoarse croak. He suspected. And he was scared. Tendo suspected too. Although a part of him wished that there would be one more sign...from one more person. But his suspicions ran along with Hansen’s. He said nothing. Herc barely contained his shaking.

Then Mako came on the speaker. She sounded a little out of breath, probably from swimming but also shocked. Actually, shocked didn’t do it justice. “Tendo...it’s...it’s Chuck Hansen.” She breathed and Herc almost hurled the speaker across the room.

“My son?!” He rasped. “H...is he...” Herc couldn’t finish. But Mako understood.

“He’s alive.” She affirmed before hesitating. “Well...he... doesn’t look too good.”

“What’s happened to my son?!” Herc was fighting to keep his voice level. It wasn’t working. Mako didn’t answer but Tendo could just tell that it was bad. How the boy escaped the explosion was a wonder. But Tendo had a sneaking suspicion that the Marshall was responsible for it. Even if Chuck Hansen didn’t seem to escape in one piece.

“Mako? How is he?” Tendo asked carefully, prying the speaker from Herc’s fingers. There was a silence and when Mako’s voice sounded again, there was a heavy rasping beside her.

“He’s not good. I... he lost an eye.” She answered slowly. Herc forgot how to breathe.

“Mako, signal the chopper. The medics are coming.” Tendo instructed before clicking the speaker off. Beside him, Hercules Hansen was a shaking bundle of nerves.

And Chuck Hansen... well. Chuck had always been a fighter. And he always swore to himself that if he was to die, he would die fighting. He couldn’t imagine a more heroic death. Fighting for the sake of the planet, beside his father. But...he hadn’t been beside his father. Not how he imagined. It had been Stacker Pentecost who was at his side when they died. And Stacker Pentecost, who, at the last minute, shoved the gasping Chuck into one of Striker’s escape pods.

“Live, boy. Live.” And Chuck’s world, already askew from the shrapnel lodged in his eye, went completely dark.

And then he woke up.

He woke up to an incredible searing pain and blinding light in his good eye. At first, he couldn’t even tell what was happening. Where was he? They had been in Striker, he remembered and then...the Marshall was shoving him into an escape pod. The Marshall detonated Striker... and Chuck was alive. Chuck swore loudly, a pain shooting up his spine and from his arm. His heart hammered in his chest.  He didn’t want to be alive, damnit! He promised he’d do this! Promised he’d be a hero! What the hell was he now?!

Then the light grew overpowering for a moment and Chuck rasped in pain, trying to throw his good arm over his eyes. “Chuck?” The shape of Mako Mori hovered above him, her hair wet from swimming, sticking to her cheeks and Chuck thought that maybe he did die and this was the angel they sent.

“Mako...Mako...” He croaked out, and with pure force of will, forced his hand up. He touched her cheek, carefully, leaving bloody finger prints on the skin, wanting to confirm this as a hallucination. But she was real. This was real. It made it that much worse. “Hell, I’m sorry.” He couldn’t help but cackle weakly, his good eye meeting hers. She didn’t flinch. His expression fell completely. “I’m sorry... I’m sorry... bloody hell I just...” He couldn’t continue but Mako was quick. She activated the speaker. Briefly told base what happened. And there was his father’s voice. And Tendo’s.

Choppers and medics. Chuck just wished they’d throw him to the sea. But she stayed with him as the choppers sounded overhead. “I’m sorry.” He rasped again, and her face, while drawn with concern, lightened only a little.

“I know. I forgive you.”

“Throw me to the sea...”

“Out of the question.”

“I was supposed to die!” His voice cracked. Mako measured him sadly, but her eyes flashed.

“The Mar...” She broke off suddenly. No. “My sensei gave his life so you could live. Don’t you dare waste it.” She watched his chest rise and fall heavily. Then carefully reached down and whipped some blood from his face, being as gentle as possible. Chuck knew she was right.

“I...promised.” His voice got lost in his throat. If he was less of the man he imagined himself to be, he would be crying. But Mako could see the tears on his face.

“Now promise to live.” She said simply and the wind howled above as the chopper blades slashed through the air. Soon, she was on the chopper, carefully clambering on beside Raleigh while a team of medics hoisted Chuck from the escape pod. He wasn’t in good shape. His left arm was an absolute bloody mess and his right eye was clenched shut still, even as blood seeped from through his punctured eyelid. Pain shot through his body every time they moved him, even if they did so with the utmost of care.

He wanted to yell at them. Throw me into the sea! That’s where I belong! Throw me! But he couldn’t. Not anymore. Mako was right. He was alive, not by his own choice but by the Marshall’s and he mustn’t squander this opportunity. This wasn’t his life anymore. Not entirely. He owed a dead man.

As they bandaged him and strapped him down, hoisting the basket stretcher onto the chopper, Chuck could just make out Raleigh. He sat nearby and as they brought Chuck on board, he could see the older man’s eyes widen. He must really have looked awful. But Raleigh slid closer, staying out of the way of the fussing medics.

“Hey, brat.”

“Hey yourself, has-been.” It hurt to talk. But Raleigh’s face broke into a strange, relieved smile.

“Nice to know almost dying doesn’t damage that attitude.” He barked out, almost laughing and Chuck wished he could punch him.

But he was feeling woozy and lightheaded now and as they hooked him up to an IV, Chuck’s world began to blur together. He had no mind to answer Becket, not yet, but stared at him blearily. Next time. Mako’s face swam beside her partner’s, almost glowing.

She was an angel. Really. Chuck had to remember to thank them both and then punch Becket for good measure. He...had to remember. His world began to darken and through his muddled thoughts, only one stood out.

_Pretty boy hero has-been...next time._

 


	2. Some hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive the hopping in POV, I can't seem to write any other way. But this is still predominantly a Chuck POV-centric thing.
> 
> Note- No one seems entirely sure if Sasha or Aleksis is the wife or the husband and while I previously made a post on tumblr about Aleksis being the wife, now I just don't bloody know since the canon itself isn't even sure. So I went back to the route that Sasha is the wife and ALEXEI (sorry y'all, Aleksis isn't a Russian name) is the husband. 
> 
> That is all. Need more Kaidanovskys. Do I smell a flashback?

When Chuck woke up once more, he was in the medbay with his father worriedly hovering over him. As Chuck’s good eye dragged open, Herc’s expression cracked completely and he had to control himself from crushing the boy in his arms.

“Son...”

Chuck stared at his father blearily before slumping back into his pillows. “Too loud.” He groaned and Herc’s breath hissed through his teeth as he frowned. But this time, Chuck wasn’t trying to be a brat. His head felt like it was splitting open. “D...shit.” He swore. Quietly. Even the faint hiss of his quaking voice seemed to scream in his ears. Herc didn’t need any more. It was plain to the old soldier that for once, his son wasn’t just acting out. He left at once and returned a few minutes later with a medic.

And Chuck was fussed over again while Herc stood removed from him in the corner, watching the medic bustle about; giving Chuck medication and cleaning and re-bandaging his wounds. It took a while for them to finish and by the time father and son were left alone again, Chuck looked thoroughly exhausted. But he stayed awake. He wanted and needed to stay awake. Herc moved closer.

“They said they can’t save my arm.” Chuck blurted, speaking louder this time. His head didn’t hurt as bad. Herc stood beside him now, calloused fingers resting just beside his son’s good shoulder. For the moment, he said nothing. Chuck croaked out a weak laugh. “Obviously can’t save my eye either.” Was the afterthought. Herc’s hand tensed and finally found his son’s shoulder.

Chuck frowned, but only for a moment. He fixed his face. This wasn’t the time to be a child about it. But...

_Dad, dad I’m scared. What am I, without an eye and an arm? I can’t even fight...what the hell do I do now?!_

He ‘tsked’ under his breath and sucked in his cheeks. It hurt to even do that. Herc didn’t need to ask. They had been co-pilots for so long that sometimes words weren’t necessary. He could see his son was hurting. He could see how it damaged his pride and made him furious at himself. He could see the fear in Chuck’s eyes, even while Chuck thought he was doing such a good job at hiding it. There were no secrets once two people drifted together.

“The arm is an easy fix.” Herc said reasonably, his hand never leaving his son’s shoulder. “They’ve made all sorta advancements in artificial and bionic limbs. Shouldn’t be too bad.” Chuck peered up his father, having to turn a little to see him.

“It won’t be the same though...”

“Could be betta’.” Herc offered. Chuck shot his father a look but it somehow didn’t carry the same fire as before. “Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“It’ll be alright. You’ll get through this.” _We’ll get through this. Almost lost my only son. Will never happen again. Won’t let it. Never._

Chuck appeared to be thinking, his features scrunched together. “And the eye?”

“Ya could take up life as a pirate.” Herc said with absolutely no humor which made Chuck’s eyebrows wing up before he finally barked out in laughter, regretting that soon after and slumping into the pillows. His body ached dully, made numb by the medication.

“I’d make a shit pirate.” He smiled weakly before rubbing at his hair. Herc’s face grew serious, thumb carefully tapping against his son’s shoulder.

“We’ll figure something out.” He promised and Chuck was strangely surprised. We. He said ‘we’. Not ‘I’. Not, _I am your father and I know what’s best so you better stow the attitude and listen._ We.

Watching his son now; broken and tired, Herc felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. He should have been there. Somehow, things would have been better if he was there. He didn’t voice this, of course. One thing that could have been said about the Hansens was their mutual emotional constipation. Especially when it came to each other. Herc carefully patted his son’s shoulder, about to say something else but the faint breathing from Chuck alerted him that his son had fallen asleep. Must be the meds.

“...I’m proud of you, son.” Hercules Hansen breathed to the sleeping figure of his son before carefully withdrawing his hand and leaving the room. He’d come back later, when Chuck was more aware. It would have been...difficult to stay in the room, with Chuck in this shape and passed out. It made him feel like a worse father than he’d felt like in a long time. So he left.

Chuck awoke hours later and found only the darkness of what he thought was an empty room. The moon shone through the window to the right of his bed and as he craned his neck and peered around, he could just make out a shape sitting in the chair opposite the bed. Chuck squinted.

“Awake are we?” Came the familiar voice of Raleigh Becket and Chuck grumbled under his breath, sinking into his pillows.

“Come ta gloat, have we?” He shot back, tiredly rubbing at his good eye. Dad must have gone to get some shut eye or some grub. Still, Chuck grumbled about it internally. Damn you, dad. Leaving me alone with _him._ Raleigh laughed quite openly.

“If I wanted to gloat, I’d come at a time when you can actually sock me one. This isn’t as fun.”

Chuck attempted to glare daggers at him through the darkness and he could just sense Raleigh’s smart ass grin as he flicked on the light. “Why ARE you here, _Rah_ leigh?” Chuck asked suspiciously after his good eye finally adjusted to the light, but Raleigh looked far from bothered and simply shrugged lazily. Chuck frowned at him. The hell is this? They’re not friends. Not at all. Why the hell was he here?

Raleigh adjusted in his chair comfortably and studied Chuck’s bruised and bandaged face. “People are calling you a hero, you know.” He said without a trace of sarcasm and Chuck barked out a laugh. His insides burned.

“Yer a shit liar, Becket.” He was no hero. No...even though it hurt to admit it. He was there, on the sidelines as the Marshall saved his ass. He was there, passed out in the pod while the Marshall sacrificed himself and Striker to make sure Raleigh and Mako could make it. They were heroes. All three of them were heroes. Sasha and Alexei Kaidanovsky were heroes. The Wei triplets were heroes. His dad...his dad was a goddamn hero. But him? No.

The last thing Chuck felt like right now was a hero. And it made him furious. “I ain’t no hero, _Rah_ leigh, no more than you are a lady. Now get out.”

Raleigh looked about ready to pound his head against the wall in frustration. Stubborn, ridiculous... “Pete’s sake, Chuck. Take a damn compli...”

“No. Don’t patronize me. I don’t need anyone to come in and tell me this shit, least of all you. The hell they calling me a hero for? Losing my eye or my arm? Or getting my bloody jaeger blown up by the man who wasn’t even supposed to be there? They gonna give me a goddamn medal for something someone else did?” He had promised. He wanted to do it. Had to do it. It hurt to think about it. He’d never be the same. Never feel complete again. Prosthetic arm, his dad had said. Chuck laughed weakly. “What use am I now? Some hero.” He glared at Raleigh, who looked almost taken aback by this outburst.

“You can’t seriously think that.”

Chuck bristled. “Don’t YOU tell me what I can and can’t think. This is all I ever been the best at!” His brain throbbed painfully. It hurt to think, it hurt to speak, and here he was, practically shouting. “And I get bloody sidelined! Can’t even pull this off right! What kinda sodden wanker can’t even die right?!” Was he making sense anymore? His head felt like it was going to crack open. “Just...get out.”

“Fuck’s sa...”

“GET OUT!” His bewildered gaze fell on Raleigh; one eyed and almost terrified. But he’d never admit that. Never. Not to _him_. He felt useless. Weak. From a pilot who fancied himself to be so strong. Being a ranger was his whole bloody life. He would have rather died in Striker than to be here. On this blasted hospital bed. Listening to this bloody has-been...

His bandaged eye felt wet. Raleigh’s eyes, while wide from the outburst, widened still and he suddenly turned and ran from the room. Chuck’s head was in agony...his bandages felt wet and only upon carefully pressing his good hand to his torn up eye did he realize why Becket fled.

He returned soon with medics who began the tiring process of fussing over Chuck while Raleigh stood to the side. He didn’t leave, and said nothing but stood there and watched. Chuck hated it. He wished he’d just go. Chuck hated _him_. And hated himself even more. Should have kept his blasted mouth shut. Let Becket leave on his own. But he just had to spill his weakness and overexert himself in the process.

After some time, the medics finished and giving Chuck stern reprimands not to overexert himself again, scurried from the room. Chuck was alone again. With Raleigh. Who was studying him strangely now. Chuck did all he could to avoid the other pilot’s gaze. After a little, Raleigh pushed off the wall, his expression still strange. Like he wanted to say something. But couldn’t. At least not right now. So he simply smiled.

“I’ll get Max.” He said before leaving Chuck alone. Alone with his blasted thoughts. But...having Max right now would be good. He needed Max. Someone who wouldn’t judge him or question him. But someone who would just be there and love him. Yeah, that’s what he needed. Chuck sank back into bed, blearily staring at the ceiling. He was so tired. On so many levels.

When Chuck awoke again, Max was curled up beside him, licking lightly at his uninjured hand. And he smiled the smile he only reserved for his dog.

“Least you won’t judge me, Max.” He muttered tiredly, allowing his hand to rest on his best friend’s head and slumping off to sleep again.

Raleigh peered at Chuck from where he sat. “Idiot.” He muttered with a sigh and a frown before returning to his book. He’d get Chuck to talk normally. Without the childish outbursts.

Even though Raleigh could admit that he understood what the other was feeling.

He had gone through the same thing. Yancy was killed and Raleigh barely made it to land and people called him a hero. He hated them for it. His own brother had been taken, while they were still in drift. And people wanted to give Raleigh a damn medal. He fled. He wanted to be alone. He was no hero.

Survivor’s guilt. He saw it clearly in Chuck, just as Raleigh’s doctor once saw it in him. Raleigh hadn’t wanted to hear it then either.

But he’d get Chuck to listen. Even if the Aussie was a stubborn pig bull of a man. It was vitally important that Chuck listened. Or he’d destroy himself otherwise.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emotionally constipated Hansens are my favorite thing ever. 
> 
> Also, I can't believe people like this. I'm just... I... you guysssss. I'm sorry I don't respond to reviews but I appreciate every one of them so so much. Like... there are no words! Thank you guysss!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy and more to come <3


	3. Incomplete

Chuck swore they were coordinating. At one point or another, at least one person was always in his room. Whether it was his dad, Mako, or god forbid, Raleigh, Chuck was almost never left alone anymore. He wasn’t sure if he minded that or not but at least Mako was always pleasant company. He was always more conscious now and more alert and having his wits about him allowed him to actually properly apologize. She was the hero. And Chuck was the rookie.

But getting over his childishly huge pride took an enormous amount of effort. Chuck had never been one to back down from something he said, even if what he said was ridiculous, childish and incredibly insulting to someone who had previously been a friend. Mako understood. She smiled her gentle smile and cuffed him when he was feeling well enough for his idiocy. Chuck didn’t begrudge it.

Things with Raleigh weren’t as simple. Or as civil. At least not on Chuck’s side. But Raleigh tried. To Chuck’s bewilderment, the other pilot tried to actually speak with him. Why? Chuck hated him. At least outwardly. But it was never really that simple.

He still remembered when he was younger, watching the Becket brothers on giant screens as they stood before their jaeger in a sea of victory. He remembered idolizing them. They were heroes. And Raleigh Becket... Raleigh Becket was more than a hero to young Chuck. And it took him forever to admit to himself that it wasn’t just hero worship. He liked Raleigh Becket. Somewhere beneath his egotistical daddy issues lurked the need and desire for someone to like him as he liked Raleigh Becket.

But then Yancy Becket died in action and his brother went into hiding.

Chuck began to hate him then. And hated himself for liking someone so much that an act of personal grief on their part absolutely destroyed his idolization of them. And when Raleigh was brought back into service, after years of hiding. Chuck wouldn’t accept him. Couldn’t accept him. That brief elation at the thought of seeing his hero was quickly squashed by one thought. He was a coward. He had fled, like a coward, and hidden for 5 years. There was no way Chuck was going to accept him. Not then.

But...things had changed. The washed up has-been Chuck considered Becket to be was replaced by the hero he had liked. And now Chuck had even bigger difficulties accepting the idea that, yes, he did in fact like Raleigh and yes, he was in fact every bit of a hero that Chuck had so long ago fallen for. He’d never mention it to Becket. Never. Only his father knew of Chuck’s secret crush. And he never mentioned it either.

Chuck had a feeling that Mako suspected. She was one of the smartest people Chuck had the pleasure of knowing and he wasn’t exactly good at keeping a secret. But she smiled and said nothing of it, instead reading her favorite book to Chuck, sometimes in Japanese. Chuck liked when she read. It was peaceful.

It was a week after their final victory until the doctors finally announced they would need to amputate his arm. Chuck had no idea what the hell took them so long and glowered unpleasantly at the idea. But there was nothing else to be done. Medical science had only come so far and the arm was a liability. It had to go. Chuck wondered briefly, on the day of his surgery, what they would do with his eye. But he couldn’t stand the drawn out process any longer.

“If you have to take it, then take it, damnit.” He growled when the doctors finally made the announcement. His arm had started growing numb and Chuck essentially lost all feeling and mobility in his fingers. There was no use keeping it now. Either way it was going to be a constant reminder of his own ineptitude. Even as they put him under for the procedure Chuck felt nothing but anger. Mostly at himself.

When he awoke again from the anesthetic, he was back in his hospital room, in his bed with the weird sensation that something wasn’t quite right. He moved his right arm slowly, flexed his fingers. Then tried to move his left arm. The lack of pain was shocking...but so was the lack of arm. Slowly, Chuck peered down at it...then felt the stump with hesitant fingers, letting them slide down to the bandages and then to...nothing. Where the rest of his upper arm and down should have been, was air.

Endless moments passed as Chuck sat there in shock, right hand stroking at air before clasping carefully onto the leftover stump. They did warn him. Standard above elbow amputation, they said. Chuck would be losing about 70% of his arm. But even having the verbal warning was nothing like experiencing it for real.

“You alright?” Chuck jumped nearly out of his skin at the voice, good eye landing on none other than Raleigh Becket. His father had fallen asleep on a nearby chair and Mako sat with her head resting on Raleigh’s shoulder, dozing lightly. Normally, Chuck would have snapped at him. But this wasn’t normal.

He swallowed fitfully and let his eye land on his stump of an arm again. No. No, he wasn’t alright. “Yeah...” He breathed instead, frowning and letting out a weak laugh. “’S just...weird.”

Raleigh rolled his eyes. “Cut the act. If you really are alright then I really am a lady.” Chuck’s frown deepened but he didn’t have the heart to fight it. No...he really wasn’t alright.

“Fine.” He snapped. “Does that make anything better?”

“Now you don’t have to pretend. I’d imagine it would make coping a lot easier.” Chuck merely grunted in response but Raleigh supposed that was better than getting yelled at again. And really, Chuck didn’t want to talk about it right now. It was too close. Instead, he switched topics.

“...When’s the memorial?” He asked suddenly, Raleigh blinking in slight surprise before realizing what Chuck was talking about.

“Wednesday at 2.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Chuck...”

“I’ll BE there.”

Silence passed between them for a few moments, Raleigh studying Chuck thoughtfully. The other ranger looked incomplete. Not just physically, but emotionally. Raleigh decided to brave it again.

“You know, despite what you might think, you’re still a hero.” When Chuck opened his mouth to protest, Raleigh overrode him. “Just, shut up. For like, 5 seconds.” He said adamantly, stopping Chuck in his tracks. Sighing faintly, Raleigh continued. “You don’t think I know what you’re going through? What the hell do you think happened after Yancy died and I stumbled back to shore? They tried to pile me with medals and I fled. You can’t accept that you’ve done something so great when someone died for you to do it. You don’t think you earned the praise because how is that possible when someone sacrificed themselves for it? Survivor’s guilt.”

Chuck stared at Raleigh. Really stared at him, as if seeing him for the first time. He...no. This wasn’t the same. This wasn’t...

Raleigh met Chuck’s gaze evenly. “Don’t deny it...it makes it harder. Someone spared you from death and now you feel like you owe it to a dead man to live on.” Chuck frowned, rubbing distractedly at his stump of an arm.

“Even if you don’t deserve to live at all?” He breathed at last, so quietly that Raleigh almost didn’t hear him. The older ranger sighed.

“Come on, Chuck. You’ve saved thousands of life by trying to throw your life away. We won, in part thanks to you.” Raleigh tutted, shutting Chuck up. He was right. Again. Chuck hated that he was right. It made him uncomfortable in his own skin.

“We all got shit we gotta overcome.” Raleigh added with an understanding little smile. “Guess this’ll be yours.” Chuck huffed and withheld from throwing pillow at Raleigh’s smug face. He didn’t want to disturb Mako. Not that it mattered. She stirred from sleep and sat up, rubbing her eyes and yawning lightly. Seeing Chuck awake, Mako smiled and hefted from her chair to sit beside him, inspecting his face.

“Are you...okay?” She asked slowly and Chuck, shooting a look at Raleigh and fighting down every ounce of pride that he could muster, finally decided to stow the shit.

“No...not right now, anyway.” He admitted at last and Mako smiled her gentle smile at him, looking a little bit surprised. Chuck swallowed. Say it. Say it now while you’re still feeling pathetic. Say it now or you’ll never get the chance to say it again.

“Thanks.” He blurted at last and both pilots of the Gipsy Danger stared at him in surprise. Chuck frowned. “Don’t give me those blasted looks. You guys saved all our asses. So...thanks.” Mako looked more surprised than Raleigh and stared at Chuck, then at her partner then at Chuck again.

“Chuck Hansen...did...did you hit your head?” She asked incredulously and Chuck grumbled.

“No. Yes. I don’t know. Why do I gotta have a concussion to say something nice?” He demanded and Mako laughed despite herself. Raleigh had that stupid smug smile on his face again. Chuck glowered at it. “Shut up.” He said to Raleigh’s expression, making the older man’s smile widen and laugh as Chuck finally hurled a pillow at his stupid smug face.

“Well...at least yer awake. Throw anymore and they’re gonna think yer all betta’.” Was the comment from a finally awakened Hercules Hansen, who sat up in his chair, rubbing at the full-grown beard that he hadn’t bothered attending to in this past week. Chuck realized he must have been an unshaven mess too. He grunted at his father who stood, coming around to inspect Chuck’s arm. Or lack of one.

He touched the stump carefully, his expression falling. Mako, seeing Herc’s face, carefully slid off the bed. “We’ll give you time.” She said simply and, giving Raleigh a pointed look, dragged him from the room despite his protests.

Father and son were left alone again and Herc looked to be struggling with words. Chuck frowned slightly, peering at his father. “Dad?”

“’M sorry son.” Herc finally filtered through his teeth, his expression broken. “Shoulda been there with ya... woulda made things... I dunno. Easier.” He wasn’t sure how. Would he have died for his son instead? Yes...he would have. Without a second thought. Chuck frowned.

“There’s no way I woulda let YOU die for me instead.” He said adamantly, recognizing his father’s train of thought. “That woulda made nothing better.”

“Chuck.”

“No. Dad, it’s...fine. We’re...” Good? No...not yet. “We’ll be alright.” He finished, a bit lamely and Herc leaned down slightly, resting his nose against his son’s hair. He wanted to cry. But he didn’t.

“You smell bloody awful.” Chuck grumbled and Herc snorted.

“Cuz yer a rose garden.” He retorted, stooping to his son’s jibe and not regretting it for an instant. He almost lost his only child. Being immature with him for a few moments was excusable.

But they really needed to arrange Chuck a bath and a shave. This was ridiculous. Boy was a hero. He could at least smell like one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Researching amputation is incredibly depressing and my heart goes out to anyone who has ever lost a limb. 
> 
> Also puppy crush Chuck is ridiculously fun to write as well as emotionally constipating because he's just the type of person to act like a 5 year old about it. 
> 
> And Hansen family feels.
> 
> That is all!
> 
> Thank you to the lovely people for reading and reviewing! You guys are amazing!


	4. In Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random Facts-  
> A shrinker is an elastic stocking that provides graded (tighter at the bottom and less compression the higher you go on the sock) compression to residual limb. This compression helps control edema (swelling) which helps “shape” limb, helps decrease nerve sensitivities, and improves circulation to healing tissues.
> 
> Dress blues is actually a Marine term for formal attire, equivalent to civilian "black tie" but I figured as Rangers, they would have some sort of equivalent to that. (Dress blues are also known as 'blue dress' or 'blues'.)

Just because Chuck was in no shape to leave the medbay, didn’t mean that would stop him from going to the memorial. It wasn’t just for the Marshall. It was for all of those they had lost and Chuck would be damned if he couldn’t make it to THAT. He owed the Marshall his life. All those jaeger pilots that fell have been his comrades. The least he could do was honor their memory.

He managed to con a nurse into helping him get cleaned up and his father brought him his dress blues. As Herc pinned back the left arm of his jacket that dangled loose, Chuck was once again struck with the shock that he really was one armed. It had been a few days since the surgery and it was still a terrible realization. Chuck jerked from it. Occasionally, he would reach for his arm, feeling that there was no way it was missing only to find air. The doctors had made a shrinker for him, to help desensitize the nerve endings and while Chuck wore it faithfully, the sensation that his arm was still there haunted him. Doctors promised it would decrease over time. He wished he believed them. 

“Yer sure then?” Herc asked for the millionth time and Chuck had to suppress a growl.

“For the millionth time, dad. Yes. If I’m limping, I’m there.” While he wasn’t TECHNICALLY allowed out, due to more upcoming treatments, it didn’t stop Chuck from not listening to the goddamn rules. Treatments could wait.

He limped with his father out of the medbay, not even stopping when they tried to herd him back to his room. He’d have to come back. Just...later, even while his whole body screamed at him to lie down. It hurt to walk and to breathe...and especially to walk AND breathe at the same time. But Chuck toughed it through. His dad’s arm was still broken. Raleigh and Mako were both injured from the fight, especially Raleigh. And they weren’t bitching. So neither would he.

Herc ran the memorial and Chuck stood removed from everyone, trying to keep his hand away from his stump of an arm as he watched his father. There was no longer need for them, Chuck realized with a start. They were all fighters and scientists and engineers whose jobs have come to an end with their victory.

What would happen to them all now?

His father continued, prompting others to speak. It took some time. The air was heavy when Mako finally broke the silence, speaking of her father figure with grieving dignity. That was Mako. Calm and collected and at the moment, overwhelmed with the need to cry. But her voice was even as she spoke fondly of the Marshall, a few tears trailing their way down her cheeks.

Chuck realized that as much as he was hurt by the Marshall’s death, her pain was all the more. Yet she unselfishly thought of everyone but herself and Chuck felt all the worse. He wished he could be that strong. All he had done was mope.

Raleigh stood beside his partner quietly, his expression unreadable but Chuck could tell that he knew full well what Mako was feeling. The drift could be a painful thing but once you shared it with another human being, there were no longer any secrets.

Also...Chuck had been in drift with the Marshall. Saw his thoughts and even in his last moment, Stacker Pentecost’s biggest concern was for his child. The young girl who had grown into the capable young woman she was today and who he truly considered to be his child. It would be selfish to keep that to himself. After Mako finished, Chuck cleared his throat, not rudely.

“I was in drift with the Marshall when he saved me...” He started, awkwardly, as if unsure how to phrase it. “But even then, his biggest worry was for you...Mako. He uh... you were the daughter he always dreamed of having. And he would be eternally proud of what you have done and who you’ve become.” He finished lamely but Mako’s eyes brimmed with tears and she smiled at Chuck. The sad smile of the mourning that carried a silent thank you. Chuck rubbed at his stump of an arm. “He was proud of us...for our work. And it was an honor to be his co-pilot, even for a brief time.” Chuck felt weird saying all this, almost naked but Mako’s thankful smile remained even as the tears gently trickled down her face.

Chuck could think of nothing else to say and shut his trap as others took over. It felt weird to be open about that sort of thing. Alien. Chuck was so used to it being...well...all about him. But this wasn’t the time or the place. Maybe he needed to reevaluate that take on life?

They remembered the Marshall...and Sasha and Alexei Kaidanovsky. How Sasha sometimes unironically called them “tovarishi” and laughed her hearty laugh. Chuck remembered the first time he met them. Alexei may have had the physical presence to be intimidating but it was his wife that actually was. She was a strong woman, determined and smart and Chuck just knew that she could kick his ass in less than 5 minutes without breaking a sweat. Not that he wanted to fight her.

He tried, and failed to learn some Russian words but all he could discern from them was the curse words.  It was actually kind of interesting when they broke into Russian  in the middle of normal conversation. Chuck just knew they sometimes called him a wanker. Whatever the Russian word for that was.

They remembered the Wei triplets. Those former street fighters who were absolute little shits and who Chuck actually kind of got along with. They weren’t friends, because Chuck was Chuck and he didn’t really have friends, outside of Max, and maybe Mako. But there was a mutual respect. They were incredible fighters and pilots and kicked Chuck’s ass at basketball on more than one occasion.

Chuck frowned and peered down at Max sitting beside him, carefully squatting and lovingly rubbing a hand over his dog’s head. Even Max understood. He whined gently and licked at Chuck’s fingers. “I know...” Chuck muttered, squishing Max’s face between careful fingers before standing once more. He wanted to whine too. It hurt to remember. They were almost there when Cherno Alpha went down. Almost bloody there...just a few moments sooner....If only. Chuck hissed under his breath. Never again would they have to go through this. To lose so many good people to this fight.

It was over.

Finally.

No more death; not for this. Chuck watched all the faces around him. They looked weary but relieved and he could pick out the crews of the different jaegers by their particularly grief stricken faces. Striker’s team was clustered close to his father and Chuck was far from surprised that they shied away from him. He wasn’t the nicest person. He didn’t blame them.

As the memorial started clearing out, Chuck turned, starting to limp back towards the medbay with Max waddling at his side.

“Hansen!” Came the cry from behind him and Chuck paused, wincing and peering over his shoulder as Tendo Choi fought his way through the people and stopped before him, beaming wide. “Caught ya, good.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not exactly running marathons.” He retorted, not entirely unkindly and Tendo laughed.

“Only turtle marathons, Hansen.” He replied easily before peering at his stump of an arm. “I don’t mean to pry, but have you considered what to do with that.” He said without preamble, making Chuck pause and frown. Max barked up at him.

“Dad mentioned...prosthetic limbs.” Chuck said slowly and Tendo rubbed his chin, considering.

“I think I can do you one better.” He said easily before prompting Chuck to unpin his sleeve and roll it up. Chuck was hesitant but did as he was told. Tendo measured the arm, scribbled it all down and grinned.

“You made that almost too easy.” Tendo chuckled and Chuck rolled his eyes.

“People are gonna be prying about it, one way or the other.” He shrugged one shoulder, studying Tendo curiously. “So...better than prosthetics?”

“Yup.”

“Care to ela...”

“Nope. You’ll see. Get better soon Hansen.” Tendo said simply and with a wave, disappeared into the crowd. Chuck stared after him. That guy was always a bit odd...

Tendo wasn’t the only person to stop Chuck. As he walked, countless people pulled him aside, offering their sympathies. One even hugged him, which Chuck was thoroughly displeased with considering the pain it caused all over his battered body. But still, it was...odd. He hadn’t expected anyone to care. He wasn’t a pleasant person to be around; smug attitude and abrasive manner not withstanding but all these people seemed to either overlook that for the moment or not care. A crying engineer offered Chuck a bouquet of white peonies. And ‘offered’ of course meant that she shoved them in his hand.

Chuck was in shock, almost dropping the flowers and watched as the crying woman fled the scene, insisting that white and peonies meant healing. Maybe they would help, or just cheer him up. Maybe.

It was another hour until Chuck finally made it back to his hospital room, his very bones aching. Undressing with one arm was difficult but Chuck managed, after much struggle, to get his jacket off at least, carefully laying it on the chair beside his bed while the flowers lay on his bed side table, dropping a few petals  onto the floor.

“It was nice of you to come.” Came a voice from behind him and Chuck peered over his shoulder. Mako stood there with a vase in her hands while Raleigh snuck around her, taking the vase and setting it on the bed side table, plopping the bouquet into the water.

Chuck grunted and shrugged his shoulder. “Couldn’t miss it.”

Mako smiled faintly. She had been crying.  Of course she had. Chuck didn’t want to admit it, but so had he. A little. His eyes were bloodshot.

“Thank you. For what you said.” She said gently as she slipped into the room, settling beside her partner. Chuck watched them quietly for a few moments before finally, offering them both a genuine smile. Not his snide smirk of condescension. A real smile. Even if it was a small one.

“’M sorry Mako. I dunno... I hope it helped.”

“It will.” She said slowly and frowned, dragging her hair behind one ear. “One day this will be a...good memory.” Chuck’s smile thinned. What was so good about it? They lost people. He didn’t see anything to be fond of, even later. But he said nothing. She was grieving. So was he. This wasn’t a good time to say stupid shit.

Mako was studying him quietly before a faint smile dragged over her lips. “See, Chuck Hansen. Sometimes you’re not a bad guy at all.”

“Hey, hey, no need for that kinda language.” Chuck heard himself joke, Mako smile brightening a little while Raleigh snorted with laughter from where he sat.

“Guess it would be better to call you a...what was it...’bloody wanker’?” He teased. Chuck scowled.

“Shaddup, _Rah_ leigh.” Raleigh simply beamed in response and Chuck was once again struck with the alarming thought that he actually liked the stupid sod. He grumbled and flopped back on the bed, immediately regretting it as pain shot over his body.

“When are you getting out anyway?” Came the question from Raleigh and Chuck grunted.

“Who the hell knows. They always keep finding one more treatment or one more test.”

“By the look of it, you still need them.”

“God, I hate you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Chuck snorted and said nothing more. It was only later that Mako and Raleigh realized that he had fallen asleep. Raleigh chuckled, dragging off the other man’s shoes while Mako carefully covered him in a blanket.

When Herc came by later to check on his son, he stopped short of the doorway. Even from where he stood, he saw Chuck asleep, cheek pressed to the pillow while none other than Raleigh Becket sat in the chair by the bed, careful fingers sliding through Chuck’s hair. A bouquet of white peonies stood on the bed side table. Max snuggled next to his master and dozed.

Herc watched them silently as Raleigh’s fingers carefully repeated the gentle stroke through his son’s hair and miraculously, Chuck remained asleep. He must have been exhausted after the memorial. Herc wondered where the flowers came from. Chuck stirred in his sleep, groaning as his features wrinkled and Raleigh’s hand stopped for a moment, fingers lifting as he watched the sleeping man quietly before Chuck relaxed into the mattress again. The hand returned to its gentle path through Chuck’s hair.

Raleigh said nothing, didn’t even look up, but his expression was strange. Herc detected a hint of confusion in it. He didn’t ask. Faint smile tugging at his lips, Hercules Hansen turned on his heel and retreated the way he had come. He’d see his son tomorrow. Right now, it looked like Raleigh needed a moment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Russian Facts-  
> tovarishi means "comrades"  
> and the Russian equivalent of wanker would be like... "debil" (pronounced kinda like 'deh-beel'), which means "idiot" or really... "dumbass". 
> 
> Guys, I am overwhelmed. Really and truly. Thank you all for your lovely critiques. I just... *flails*


	5. Normal?

Chuck spent another 3 weeks in the medbay as his body slowly healed. He felt better each day and they pumped him with enough meds to knock out a fully healthy stallion. They only numbed his pain but it was enough for him to be remotely functional. Still, he was starting to get out of bed more and with Max at his side, prowling the medbay for some exercise. The doctors didn’t currently advise any rigorous physical activity but Chuck was restless. He couldn’t lie in bed forever, and while it was nice to have his dad, Mako and even Raleigh drop by to see him, Chuck had his own mind. So he wandered.

He was also finding it a little bit hard to swallow at just how much he liked when Raleigh visited. He said nothing about it, especially not to Raleigh but it was...nice. Nice. A word Chuck Hansen would never ever have thought of using when describing his feelings about Raleigh Becket.

Another thing he never mentioned to Becket was that he had been awake. And aware. That night that Raleigh stayed while Mako went to bed. That night that Raleigh carefully slid his calloused fingers through Chuck’s hair. He felt it. It was the weirdest thing.

Chuck had never been close to anyone before. Training and being a ranger eliminated all chances of a social or love life and Chuck was completely fine with being alone. For the longest time, all he had was Max. Max was his best friend and constant partner and Chuck was always thankful that he had him. But Chuck was also a man. And beneath all those egotistical daddy issues and abrasive attitude he just wanted someone to be with. Something more.

For a while, he decided to settle for the fact that he was just too unlikable to attract anyone. But then, if even the Joker could find a madwoman to fall for him, why couldn’t he? This was terrible and faulty reasoning, mainly because the Joker wasn’t remotely real, but it gave Chuck a tiny hope that maybe someone someday would be able to see past his bullshit. He never considered that it would be a man and never imagined it would be the same man who had nearly knocked his teeth out about a month or so ago. Looking back on it, Chuck had deserved it.

Or maybe this was just wishful thinking of an unrequited crush from his teenage years and he was being a complete moron for believing any of it. Scowling at the tiles of the floor, Chuck kicked at it. “This sucks, Max.” He grumbled and the bulldog woofed brightly in reply. “Not the help I was looking for, bud.” Max woofed happily again and Chuck smiled the smile he only reserved for his dog and limped back to his room.

They would be releasing him today. At least that was a bonus. Herc had come by to help clean out Chuck’s personal stuff from his room where it had collected while he stayed there. It wasn’t a lot, but Chuck was in no shape to carry much. Herc didn’t mind.

Chuck could tell his father was legitimately trying to make things better. If only a little. Chuck finally started to appreciate it. He could have lost his father that day. And was thankful that he didn’t. Whether he liked it or not, his dad was the only thing he had left...aside from Max.

Father and son walked out of the medbay together, after Chuck was finally released, strolling through the Shatterdome to the living quarters. It was strange. The halls, while not empty, were considerably more devoid of people. After their victory, most people returned to civilian or army life, leaving specialists and engineers to disassemble what was left of the jaeger program. In times of peace, they didn’t need giant monster punching robots anymore.

Being the new Marshall, Hercules Hansen thought it wise to at least save the resources and most of the jaeger program systems and materials were being packed away for storage. Chuck watched as computers were unplugged and packaged and felt a sudden pang of sadness. This was all he knew. What was he to do now?

It was after dropping off his stuff that Chuck took to wandering the Shatterdome, Max at his heels while Herc went to attend to his Marshall duties. He was passing through the main hall, remembering the very spot where Striker Eureka used to be housed when Tendo found him.

“Hansen! There you are. Boy, have I got something for you.” He said brightly and without preamble hauled Chuck away with him. They didn’t have to go far.

“Close your...er...eye.”

“Why?”

“Just do it, Hansen.” Chuck grumbled and grouched but did as he was told. When he was prompted to look again, it took a moment for his vision to adjust and he was staring, mouth agape at a fully constructed bionic arm. It lay on the table before him, colored a metallic, grayish blue. Just like Striker...with the ever familiar emblem of Striker Eureka engraved on the back of its hand. Wires and metal twined together to look like muscle and Chuck found himself in shock. He gaped. Then stared at Tendo. Then gaped some more.

Only Tendo’s laughter broke him out of his stupefied awe. “Told you it would be better than a prosthetic.” The shorter man said easily and Chuck took a step closer, running careful fingers over the metallic muscles of the bionic arm.

“No kidding...” He croaked out. Tendo peered at him.

“Yeah?”

“Tendo...I could kiss you right now.”

 “Please don’t.” Tendo laughed, clucking his tongue against the roof of his mouth and looking overwhelmingly proud of himself. Chuck finally tore his eyes away from the arm.

“How did you even..?”

“Doesn’t hurt to have some pull around here and some connections here and there.”

“Seriously...” Chuck’s eyes landed on the arm again and he reverently ran his fingers over the metal. “How do I even...” This was the nicest thing...anyone has ever done for him. Chuck was literally speechless. How does he even begin to thank Tendo? “I...”

“Cat got your tongue?”

“S...something like that. I just...” Thank you weren’t words Chuck Hansen was accustomed to using. Thank you were words that were suddenly becoming part of his lexicon. “Thank you.” He forced out at last and Tendo smiled, flicking at his bowtie.

“Come on, Aussie. Time to hook it up.” Chuck didn’t protest. Not at all. He had spent the last 3 weeks without a left arm. He hated it and missed it. Simple things have become incredibly difficult to do and he had to rely on others. Chuck hated relying on others. He was a grown man, for Pete’s sake. He could do things himself!

Tendo led Chuck all the way back to the medbay, holding the arm carefully in both hands. He seemed to have planned everything out very carefully and a few surgeons were there to meet them.  Chuck wasn’t entirely thrilled at being back here after having JUST checked out but this was a price worth paying. Thankfully, they knocked him out for this.

When Chuck came to, it was to a very...very strange feeling. He didn’t feel that much heavier than before but as his good eye adjusted to the light, he felt his arm to be...longer. He tried to sit up but Tendo stopped him.

“Whoa. Take it easy. Just...slowly adjust.” Frowning, Chuck tried to move his left arm but achieved nothing but a sharp pain. Tendo tutted.

“I said ‘easy’, Hansen. I know your ears are working just fine. The nerve connections will take time to fuse and adjust so in the meantime everything must be done with the utmost care.” He let Chuck lie there, giving him some time to adjust and wake up before going over what needs to be done.

It was a lot. The thought of having a bionic arm was cool in principal but the maintenance... even before Chuck could try and lift a finger, his body needed to accept the new appendage. But this was essentially like having a robot for an arm, determining your every intention. Chuck had no idea what sort of thing he had really signed up for. But this was far more advanced than a normal bionic or prosthetic limb and Chuck had found that it didn’t add much weight to his body. It was...eerily light.

After some time to recover and getting his new bionic arm in a sling, at least for the time being, Chuck was allowed to return to his quarters in the main of the Shatterdome on the promise that he would come back for rehabilitation every day. He promised and asked Tendo what he thought should be done with his eye.

“Get an eyepatch and become a pirate?” Tendo suggested and Chuck barked out a laugh.

“M’ dad said the same thing.” He said to Tendo’s surprised expression.

“Your father does humor?”

“’pparently. No one told me he became funny either.” Chuck shrugged one shoulder, allowing careful fingers to slide over the metal of his brand new arm. They walked together for a bit, talking and Chuck actually found himself liking Tendo. Not in the way he liked Raleigh, no. But in that way that a person likes someone for just being them. He wondered why he never really talked to Tendo before. And then Chuck remembered that he was supposed to be the abrasive asshole with daddy issues. That may have been why.

Still, when Tendo had to return to work, Chuck thanked him again and went off to find Max. But Max found him first. Along with Raleigh. The older man trailed behind the bull dog lazily and seeing Chuck, and his new arm in a sling, Raleigh quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Break it already?” He teased making Chuck glower at him. Raleigh’s cheeky grin graced his features.

“Aren’t there others you could harass, _Rah_ leigh?”

“Yeah, but they’re not nearly as knee-jerk about it as you are. It’s less fun.”

Chuck grumbled but Max barked up happily at his owner and, bending down to lovingly scratch at his dog’s ears, Chuck conceded. “Well, I guess if Max likes you, you can’t be all bad.”

“Yeah, but he likes _you_ too. Maybe he’s just a bad judge of character.”

“Becket, I swear to g...”

“Fine, fine.” Raleigh laughed and helped Chuck stand as the Aussie teetered uneasily. Chuck didn’t smack him away. Not this time. Which seemed to surprise Raleigh quite a bit. Even if he said nothing about it. They walked around the Shatterdome together.

“You consider what you might do now?” Chuck asked after a long silence, step in step with Raleigh. The older man pondered on it for a moment, rubbing his stubble covered chin and shrugging.

 “Mako and I thought we might travel. See the world. Without it in ruble or on fire.”

“Oh.”

“You?”

“Haven’t...really considered. Might do something with dad. Been ages since anything happened.” Chuck shrugged his shoulder. It was weird to think about. “Civilian life...”

“Yeah.”

“Think yer ready for it, Becket?”

“Definitely not.”

Chuck smirked faintly at that, Max weaving between his and Raleigh’s legs as they walked as if just trying to trip them up. A long silence followed.

“Still...” Raleigh spoke once more, stuffing his hands in his pant pockets, “it’ll be nice to be...normal. You know, to not wake up at 3 am in the bloody morning because of screeching alarms.”

“Normal? Do you even remember what ‘normal’ means, Becket?” Chuck shot back with another smirk even though he doubted highly that any of them remembered what ‘normal’ really meant. Having a home? A family? Settling down and cooking your own meals. Going to your own boring job. Chuck thought normal sounded incredibly boring. Raleigh must have agreed as he laughed softly.

“Maybe not normal. Normal would make us pull our hair out in frustration. But...safe?”

“Safe, huh?”

“Can you imagine?”

“Naw. It’s too weird.” Another silence followed but Raleigh looked somehow calmer and even Chuck felt more relaxed, careful fingers sliding over the polished metal of his new arm. He was struggling with something. He already said it to Mako but... well...

“Hey... uh... about the thing...”

“What thing?”

“You know...the thing.” He sucked in his cheeks, hissing slightly. “It’s...look...this isn’t easy.” Chuck tried again, utterly failing to articulate what he was trying to say. Raleigh blinked at him. Chuck swore and stopped them so he could face Raleigh. Walking and talking wasn’t helping him concentrate at all. He stared hard at Raleigh’s face. God, he had gorgeous eyes.

“I know I’m an asshole.” He said at length, trying very hard to keep eye contact and not do anything utterly stupid. “And I know what...I mean... what I said to Mako was outta line.” He sucked at his teeth. He hated apologizing. Hated it. “But... I already told her...I thought I should just...tell you.”

“Are you...actually apologizing?” Raleigh asked almost incredulously and Chuck scowled harder.

“Don’t mock me. It’s hard enough as it is.” He snapped before grunting and rubbing his face. He wasn’t making things any better. “Yes. I am.” Chuck said at last and Raleigh stared at him.

“Who are you? What have you done with Chuck Hansen?”

“I ate him in his sleep.” Chuck grumbled and Raleigh, looking suddenly like a weight lifted off his shoulders, laughed and clapped Chuck on the back. Chuck winced.

“Was it the punching or the smashing into the pipes that brought that about?” He asked with his cheeky grin. Chuck rolled his eyes.

“Don’t make me regret this, Becket.” He said even as he knew he never really would. At least not this. It felt like the proper thing to do. He had said something thoughtless and after apologizing to the person who the words had been aimed at, this was the natural next step. Besides, both Mako and Raleigh had been strangely helpful and understanding to him since he was brought in to the medbay and Chuck wasn’t that big of an asshole to not appreciate it. They were good people. Chuck needed to treat them like good people. And not like the scum that had congealed on the bottom of his shoe.

They were heroes. And really, they were more than just _good_ people. They were great people. Amazing people. And Chuck just felt fortunate enough to still be alive to get to know them. Raleigh’s expression softened as he studied Chuck’s face.

“Look. We all make mistakes.” Raleigh said reasonably. “I’m...glad you’re alive to say it though. Otherwise we’d have to get the ouija board.” He added with a grin and Chuck socked him one on the shoulder, making him laugh.

Chuck was beginning to like the sound of Raleigh’s laughter. It didn’t happen nearly as much as he would have liked but it was a pleasant and throaty sound that Chuck quite appreciated. It was a little raspy, like Raleigh’s voice and had this sort of... blue collar, earthy grit to it.

God, he really was freaking in love. Like a love struck middle schooler. It was pathetic. Peering down at his arm and then his dog, Chuck considered for a moment. He was...tired. That was it. He needed some time to think and sort himself out. And the new metallic arm that he couldn’t use yet was causing him some irritation. He looked at Raleigh again. And found him almost closer.

“We should... do this again.” Chuck said at last, scuffing at the floor with his boot. “And by ‘this’, I mean talk.” He added quickly and Raleigh nodded with a smile.

“You know what; I think I’d like that.” He said at last, bending down to scratch Max behind the ears. “This was actually not bad.” Chuck felt like melting on the spot. Damn you, Raleigh Becket. He ‘tsked’.

“I’m gonna go rest.” He said and, bidding Raleigh a good night, strolled off to his quarters.

“Oi, Hansen.” Chuck paused, looking back at Raleigh, who was smiling. “You’re forgiven.” He said easily. Chuck felt his lips tug into another genuine smile in return.

“Thanks Becket.” Chuck breathed gently before whistling to Max and, turning to disappear down the hallway, his bulldog waddling behind him happily.

Raleigh Becket forgave him. This was a start.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you just imagine normal life for jaeger pilots after their mission was over? I'm sure it was hard to adjust back. Soldiers returning home from war face this issue as well. They just don't know how to live civilian lives.
> 
> Also, this is utterly irrelevant but I saw Pacific rim for the second time today and I think it's simply adorable that they all get juice boxes at lunch.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for your reading, support and reviews! You guys are seriously fantastic and awesome for putting up with my nonsense!


	6. Tomorrow

When Chuck dreamed, he dreamed of Raleigh. Most of the time, it wasn’t even sex dreams. He dreamed of his eyes and his smile and his fingers in Chuck’s hair. It was the sappiest shit that Chuck ever thought his subconscious was capable of and he always awoke a bit confused. Tonight was no different really and Chuck awoke in the middle of it to stare stupidly at his ceiling.

Again with it. When would he man up and actually say something to Raleigh? This couldn’t continue this way. Even if Raleigh wanted nothing to do with him, it would least be a weight off Chuck to have it out in the open. He groaned and tossed about, grabbing his pillow and mashing it against his face in tired frustration, Max whining sleepily next to Chuck.

“Sorry, sorry.” Chuck muttered, forcing himself to relax and throwing the pillow across the room in irritation anyway. Just talk to him tomorrow. How hard could that be? He was probably just making it worse for himself.

It took Chuck two hours to get back to sleep and he woke up crabby and peevish the next morning, struggling to change and shoving his boots on before he and Max went off to get food. At least it was nice that they were still getting fed. He ate alone in sullen silence, Max perched on his lap while Chuck refused to make eye contact with anyone. He was just grateful that neither Mako nor Raleigh showed up during his breakfast. This morning, Chuck wanted time to himself, to calm down and he was actually afraid of snapping at them and ruining what they’ve been trying to build.

He finished, cleaned up and let Max haul him off to wander the Shatterdome before his physical therapy session. It would be good, help clear his head even while he avoided anyone who looked remotely like Raleigh or Mako. By the time Chuck made it to the medbay, he was a bit calmer and less crabby. It didn’t stay that way.

After getting his new bionic arm out of its sling, it dropped like dead weight, Chuck’s shoulder buckling slightly from the sudden drop in altitude. And now Tendo was telling him that he should try and move a finger. Not fingers. Just one. Chuck thought it would be easy. It wasn’t. It was an exercise in frustration.

“Shit!” He swore loudly, face drawn together in a grimace as he tried and failed to at least wiggle a finger. The arm just dangled.

“Whoa, whoa, easy Hansen. I told you it would take time.” Tendo tried but Chuck was in no mood.

“I should be able to do this!” He snapped, furious at himself. Tendo tutted.

“You can’t force it. It’s not anything to do with you, really. It’s how your body accepts the arm and how the nerves take.” He tried to soothe and Chuck frowned, sucking in his cheeks. He wanted to move his arm. Hell, for now he’d settle for just twitching a finger. But nothing. He tried and tried. After a while, Tendo took pity on him and finally told him to instead exercise his shoulder, making sure to keep it limber for when the arm finally did start responding. It was hard to do with the appendage but Chuck managed and left physical therapy back to his grumpy self.

He knew Tendo was right. The current mobility...or lack thereof, of his arm had nothing to do with him. Still, Chuck felt weak for not being able to do something so simple as move a finger. He stared down at his arm, back in its sling and grimaced mightily. Max barked up at him.

Really, Chuck wasn’t in the mood for today. He didn’t sleep hardly at all, and when he did, he dreamt of Raleigh and his hands. His arm hadn’t let him roll over and it was altogether LESS comfortable than it had been when he was in an enormous amount of pain and practically knocked out in the medbay. Chuck wasn’t having it. So he went and got drunk.

Sitting on the steps of his room with a bottle of whiskey beside him, Chuck Hansen got good and plastered. He didn’t feel like hiding it. They weren’t on duty. There would be no attacks. He did what he had to today and now he sat and stared at the wall across the hall, rubbing Max’ head lovingly.

“’S all bullshit, Max.” He slurred to the bulldog. “’S like, what now eh? Buuuulllshiiit.” Max barked up at him, licking his fingers and making Chuck laugh as it tickled.

“You being drunk is also bullshit, wouldn’t you say?” Chuck blinked, staring at Max dubiously before finally lifting his eyes to stare up at Raleigh.

“Naaah.”

“Aren’t you on medication?”

“This helps dull all the pain.” Chuck drew out, straightening a little while Raleigh tutted and settled on the step beside him.

“This is still a terrible idea.”

“Eh, errything I do is a terrible idea, _Rah_ leigh. Gotta...gotta get used to it.” Chuck slurred lazily and took another swig of whiskey for good measure.

“Where did you even get it?”

“Got mah ways. Ya...ya ain’t the only clever one here, Becket.” He chuckled, sloshing the bottle about. Raleigh noticed that it was practically empty.

“How much did you drink?”

“Wuz full when I started.” At Raleigh’s quirked eyebrows, Chuck snorted. “Don’t complain, ‘m much more agreeable than I wuz this morning. Think Tendo thought I was gonna punch ‘im. I wuzzn’t.” He added innocently before chortling. “’Sides, this is starting ta make ya look even more attractive. Now lemme drink.”

Raleigh blinked at those words, scrutinizing Chuck intently. His accent grew more difficult to understand when he was drunk, that’s for sure. But...

“’More’ attractive?”

“Wut?”

“You said ‘more.’”

“Naah. I just...oh boy...” Chuck slumped forward against his knees, bionic arm tucked against his stomach. Raleigh couldn’t help a faint smile, reaching over and rubbing circles over Chuck’s back.

“There, there. Tomorrow will be full of hangovers and then you’ll promise yourself you’ll never drink again.”

“Ugh.”

“What prompted this anyway?”

“Shit day.... it wuz...wuz...shit... yeah... slept like shit.”

“Bad dreams?”

“Naah. ‘S good dreams... very good dreams...just slept like shit...” Chuck answered blearily, sitting up and rubbing at his good eye tiredly while Raleigh’s hand continued its circular motion over his back. A drunken smile drew over Chuck’s features. “Good dreams though.” He repeated and downed the rest of the whiskey, clumsily setting the bottle aside. “’S like...you ever have them...I mean ever have those...those dreams. And they’re great. And then you wake up in the middle of ‘em and go ‘well fuck me! Why’d...why’d I... I wake up?’”

Raleigh considered. “We all have.”

“Sucks.”

“Well, at least you could enjoy it while it lasted.”

“Yeah.” Chuck watched Max tiredly before letting his head tilt, finally resting against Raleigh’s shoulder without much prompting. He’d have time to be annoyed at himself for these shenanigans tomorrow. He wanted to be sober when everything happened. Raleigh didn’t move away but instead wrapped an arm around Chuck’s shoulders, resting his cheek against Chuck’s hair.

“You idiot.” He laughed and Chuck grumbled tiredly.

“No...yer...yer the idiot.”

“Least I’m not drunk off my ass.”

“You got both yer arms too.” Chuck interjected and frowned before rubbing carefully at his bad eye. “M...maybe this is me celebratin’ m’ arm. Least one still sorta works.  ‘M one lucky sunovabitch.” He snorted and laughed and practically nuzzled his nose into the crook of Raleigh’s neck. Raleigh frowned slightly.

“Come on, you drunk. Time to hit the hay.”

“Nnn?”

“Sleep.” Raleigh elaborated before hauling Chuck up to stand and, scooping up the empty whiskey bottle, hauling the drunk Aussie into his room. He helped Chuck to the bed and helped him sit, Max waddling inside after them. “Sleep.” Raleigh repeated. Chuck yawned and watched the older man blearily.

“Stay?” He asked slowly. Raleigh studied him for a moment before shaking his head.

“Get sober first.” He said simply. It didn’t feel right somehow. But Chuck frowned a little.

“Come on...”

“No. I mean it.” Raleigh said adamantly, arms folding across his chest. He wasn’t some sleazeball. If...if anything was to happen and if they were to talk about it, Chuck had to be sober and alert. Otherwise it just felt wrong. Chuck grumbled but seemed to concede the point.

“’Lright...” He muttered at last. “Alright mum, I’ll go sleep. ‘S getting... I dun even know...’s late right?”

“Yeah.”

“Mmmalright.”

Raleigh chuckled faintly. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“G’night, Raleigh.”

Raleigh smiled. Leave it to Chuck to have to be drunk to say his name right. “Good night.” He gave Max a final pet on the head and quietly escaped the room, door closing behind him. Chuck flopped back on the bed. He couldn’t think straight anymore. Too much alcohol mixed with strange feelings made it impossible for him to form a concrete thought. He didn’t even bother changing or taking off his boots and was soon asleep, snoring lightly.

He’d talk to Raleigh tomorrow.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, drunk Chuck is the funnest.
> 
> I was also torn between having it be a father-son moment but decided on this.
> 
> Also, no non-con drunken sex. Ever. Not even snuggling or whatever. I think if one person is drunk and the other is sober, it feels like the sober person is taking advantage. 
> 
> I just really wanna hug them both, okay? Okay.


	7. Not a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I actually forgot to thank [ r2mich2 ]()for a comment they left on a previous chapter. 
> 
> They made a comment about how it would be cool if Chuck's bionic arm was made from pieces of Striker Eureka. They also said it wouldn't quite be possible but I loved the idea so I thought I'd honor it with how Chuck's bionic arm looks in this. Thank you again <3

Chuck awoke the next morning to a pounding headache and his father leaning over him disapprovingly. “Got drunk did ya, cowboy?” He said with a frown and Chuck groaned up at him, covering his eyes from the light.

“Not so loud...” He muttered and Herc ‘tsked’ at him in reply.

“Chuck, yer old enough not to be acting like this.” He reprimanded and Chuck grumbled, letting his good eye drag open to glare at his father.

“Pete’s sake dad, I’m 21. You act like I’ve even had the chance to get bloody drunk over the past 5 years.” Herc frowned. He kept forgetting. Only 21 and almost died. No parent should have to bury their child. Herc was forever grateful to the Marshall for sparing him the agony of losing his only son. He sighed and sat on the bed next to Chuck.

“Alright, alright, I’ll overlook it.”

“Ugh, I just hope I didn’t do anything stupid.” Chuck muttered gruffly, frowning and rubbing his face with his good hand. Herc snorted.

“As opposed to normal, eh?” He teased and Chuck smacked his arm, making the older man laugh faintly.

“How’s that ‘Marshall’ thing going?” He asked his father after a moment of companionable silence, peering up at him through his fingers. Herc drew out a long and tired breath.

“’S a lot to do. We don’t wanna get rid of the jaeger information, so we gotta be extra careful about storage. And backup storage. And backups for the backups. ‘S a giant clusterfuck.” He added and Chuck snorted, dragging his hand away from his eyes.

“Whadcha expect, dad? It was lot of information.” He shrugged before forcing himself to sit up and regretting it immediately. A wave of nausea hit him like a sack of bricks to the face and he bolted for the bathroom, door slamming behind him. Herc’s laughter followed after.

When Chuck emerged again, rinsing his mouth and glaring at his father, Herc retorted with an easy smile, looking far more relaxed than Chuck had seen him in years. Not since mum died. Chuck couldn’t begrudge it, so he let himself smile as well, if only a little.

“I was thinking,” Herc began as his son settled beside him, still rubbing a bit at his temples, “maybe when this is all done, and ya got use of your arm again, we can...travel? See some sights...” Chuck blinked over at his father, eyebrow quirking.

“You’re actually suggesting family time?” He asked incredulously and Herc grimaced slightly.

“If you don’t wanna, that’s fine...” Herc began but Chuck overrode him.

“No, dad. I just...uh... it’s a surprise, that’s all. But that would be...” He paused, thinking about it. It would be strange. He and his old man didn’t exactly have that warm and fuzzy family connection that most people would expect of two people who had drifted. But, his father was trying. Chuck could tell he still felt guilty for so many things and who was he to deny that he actually did want some family time. He smiled. “That would be...nice.”

The wrinkles of Herc’s face seemed to smooth over at those words. “Good.” He said gently, hefting himself to stand. “Good.” He repeated again before clapping his son on his good shoulder. “I’ll make arrangements. You rest.” He said and with a fatherly ruffle to Chuck’s hair, he was gone.

Chuck sat alone for the longest time. It was all so strange. When did he become suddenly approachable? When did he suddenly stop trying to surpass his old man and decided it would be best that they be father and son again? Probably around the time that they were airlifting him out of his escape pod. Surviving what was supposed to be a suicide mission sure had a way of reshuffling ones priorities.

He stood. There were things to do. Head still aching dully, Chuck took off from his room with Max at his heels. Chuck got food, but didn’t eat it and after a while of wandering the Shatterdome with Max, he finally made his way to physical therapy, determined to at least make SOMETHING happen. He was more careful with the arm today and tried even harder. He wanted to know that this wasn’t all for nothing, especially considering the time, resources and money it must have taken Tendo to put this all together.

And Chuck was grateful. He just had to learn to act like it. But he grimaced and growled and made all sorts of ridiculous faces as he tried to make his finger tick, even if a little. It was growing frustrating again but Chuck took breaks and with Tendo’s encouragement, he tried again. And again. He spent far longer in therapy that day and it was only close to the end that something actually happened.

“Maybe call it a day, Hansen. You’ll have plenty of time to continue.” Tendo promised after he checked over the connections and wires to make sure everything was still in order, typing a few things on his little computer. Chuck frowned.

“Just once more.” He promised before, tongue sticking between his lips, he tried again, focusing with all his might. There was a tiny, barely registered flick from his pointer finger. Chuck all but jumped out of his skin. “...D...did you see that?! I...it did something!” As Tendo moved in closer to look, Chuck stared at his hand again. And again, his pointer finger gave the smallest of flicks. Chuck grinned like a moron.

“It..it’s taking?! Right?! Isn’t that what this means? The connection?” He jabbered excitedly and Tendo chuckled, clapping Chuck on the shoulder.

“Looks like it IS taking.” He said proudly and, grabbing a tiny screw driver, he fiddled with a few of the hidden screws in the hand. “Try it again.” Chuck focused hard. His pointer finger bent slightly, curling into his hand. Chuck could barely contain his joy. Throwing all caution to the wind, he grabbed Tendo into a quick, but tight one armed hug before leaping to his feet.

“This is fantastic! I... I was almost afraid it wouldn’t take! I just...holy shit. I can’t thank you enough!” And with those words, Chuck Hansen bolted from the medbay, Tendo calling after him.

“Wait, we’re done?”

“I’ll be back tomorrow!”  He cried over his shoulder before disappearing out of sight, Max pattering after him. So afraid was Chuck that this was all some sort of fever dream, that he felt the need to stampede around the Shatterdome with more speed than was probably necessary. One more good thing needed to happen. Just one more.  

Just don’t let this be a dream. He didn’t want to wake up.

It took far longer than he would have liked but he finally found Raleigh, strolling down the hall with Mako at his side. Winded, and panting, Chuck didn’t even bother catching up to them and stopped halfway down the hall.

“HEY BECKET!” He cried out and Raleigh turned to see Chuck heaving for air behind them. At first, he didn’t even notice that some of the other workers had stopped what they were doing and were staring at him. But the prick of their gazes bore into him and Chuck felt his confidence starting to trickle away.

No damnit. Just say it. He’s right there. Just bloody say it. “You...you wanna...do something...some time.” Chuck heard himself sputter out and it took all his control not to smack himself in the face for how stupid it all sounded. Raleigh quirked an eyebrow. He saw Mako’s smile beside her partner and Chuck just knew that she just saw her suspicions realized.

“Uh...don’t we...already?” Raleigh asked, eyebrow still arched. Chuck swore under his nose.

“No, you bloody Yank. Not like that. I mean...otherwise.” Raleigh just looked confused. Chuck hissed and sputtered, shoulders drooping. “Would...would you all just stop staring, eh?!” He snapped suddenly and there was a loud and busy scuffle of footsteps as almost everyone in the hall quickly cleared out. Chuck saw Mako stifle a laugh before quietly slipping off, leaving the two of them alone.

Taking deep breaths to calm down and regain some air in his burning lungs, Chuck moved a bit closer. Becket was either playing with him or being oblivious. Either way, Chuck felt quite annoyed. “Just... would. You. Like. To. Goooo. Out.” He drew out at last, his stomach suddenly filled with nervous butterflies. Is this how people initiated dates? He had no bloody idea.

Raleigh stared at him for the longest time before a big and stupid grin crossed his features. Chuck’s first thought was that he wanted it smack it back off. But Raleigh laughed. “Is this how the Hansens ask for dates?” He teased and Chuck’s impulse to punch him increased.

“Just answer the bloody que...” He started but Raleigh chuckled and carefully pressed a finger to Chuck’s lips, silencing him into shock.

“Yeah. We can do that.” Raleigh Becket said easily and for a moment Chuck forgot to breathe. Raleigh’s smile grew. “God, if you’re not the most emotionally constipated man I’ve ever met.” He added. Chuck smacked him but Raleigh only laughed before both his hands found Chuck’s face and he pulled him forward, pressing their foreheads together. Chuck all but lost his shit.

“You egotistical idiot.”

“Has-been old man.” Chuck croaked back before Raleigh released him, altogether pleased with himself.

“Tomorrow then? Let’s say, 7?” He suggested and Chuck, swallowing the stupidly large lump in his throat, nodded. Just nodded. He  couldn’t find words anymore. All his stupid swaggering and confidence left him and for a moment, he felt like a 14 year old who just got his first date with the most popular person in school. Raleigh had no problem sensing this unease.

“Relax, won’t you. I don’t bite.” He chuckled, turning to go back to Mako before peering over his shoulder at Chuck, eyebrows waggling. “Much.” He added before Chuck found his voice. That smacked Chuck back into the moment. He grumbled and swore and did everything in his power not to stutter.

“I hate you, Becket.”

“Yeah, I know. See you tomorrow.” And with a wave, Raleigh was gone, leaving Chuck alone in the now empty hallway.

It took a moment to finally register. Chuck had a date? A date with his teenage crush. The hero of his childhood. His world all but collapsed on him and Chuck was suddenly laughing as he made his way back the way he came, lighter than ever. God, if that wasn’t the most awkward thing he had ever done but he did it and he said it and Raleigh hadn’t shoved him away. Those hands had been on his face and Chuck still felt their warmth. They were calloused and soft and it almost hurt to come in contact with them.

Chuck also felt a bit stupid. Did adult men even go on dates? It was like something out of cheesy teen drama. But fuck it. He did it. He said it. It was done and all he had to do was not do anything especially stupid until after tomorrow. He could manage that.

Chuck was an adult after all. A stupid, blubbering, egotistical adult who occasionally acted like a stupid, blubbering egotistical child with a crush the size of a jaeger.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because Chuck seems like the type to be an utter idiot about the whole 'dating' thing. Also considering that he'd never actually dated.
> 
> Also! I don't want to undermine the importance of Raleigh and Mako's forehead touch with this. I just...thought it was an adorable moment and it also strikes me as something really deep and connecting. I'd like to think that Raleigh likes the connections he forges with people, even if he is afraid of them getting taken away. Maybe to him, it's a really meaningful gesture with people he really cares about.
> 
> [screeches about how shmoopy and dumb these two are]
> 
> Also, Hansen family feels and Lord of the Rings quote.


	8. Happier times

Just because Chuck had a date, did not mean he actually thought of what to do for that date. It was his first. Ever. And Chuck couldn’t sleep that night, practically freaking out over what exactly they should do. Dinner and a movie? Too cliché. Besides, they were still in Hong Kong and Chuck didn’t know any Cantonese to warrant actually going to the movies. Only a few words here and there.

 Stroll through the park? What were they, 16 year olds in love? His immobile bionic arm and bad eye limited things further and Chuck was stuck with the frustrating conundrum of what normal people usually did on dates.

He wasn’t normal though. Neither was Becket. But...it would have been nice to do something normal for a change? Chuck glowered at his darkened ceiling. He should have thought of this ahead of time. But the moment was too perfect, especially since the day had been going so well and Chuck didn’t want to slow it down or spoil with idiotic wonderings. Still, it definitely would have saved him a lot of worrying overnight. Chuck’s scowl only deepened.

This needed to be a happy thing. Leave it to him to muss it up and piss himself off in the process. He also should have known that Raleigh Becket was no idiot. And Raleigh Becket had been on dates, of course. Or at least Chuck figured as much. He was an attractive man with an attractive voice and attractive smile. And while Chuck was trying to think and fall asleep, his phone beeped.

 _Meet me at the helipad tomorrow at 5_ , read the message, _don’t be late or I’m leaving without you. Wear something warm._ Chuck squinted and stared at the message. Then put his phone on sleep mode and tossed it to his bed side table. Then frowned, reached over and read the message again. Then reread it. Raleigh already made plans? But... Chuck had asked him. Wasn’t that how it worked? The person who asked also made the plan?

But fuck it, a date was a date. Even if Chuck felt incredibly stupid even calling it that. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe because ‘dating’ wasn’t something Chuck Hansen did? Regardless, Chuck was finally able to fall asleep, Max curled up close to his side.

The next day passed in a blur. Chuck barely remembered eating or going to physical therapy but he did remember the moment when he managed to curl his pointer finger all the way inward, his middle finger twitching slightly. Tendo wanted to insist that Chuck stay longer but he just couldn’t. He thanked him and ran off as fast as he could to get ready. He showered as best as he could and, following the advice in the previous night’s text, put on something warm, mainly consisting of his favorite fur lined jacket. The one he wore when he and Raleigh had tried to punch each other’s lights out. Isn’t that just ironic?

He didn’t bother with anything fancy and, shoving his boots on, Chuck stampeded out the door. He only took a quick detour to drop Max off with Mako, who looked delighted at the company and gave him a quick squeeze of his wrist before sending the slightly breathless Chuck on his way. He ran. Ran all the way to the helicopter landing area.

And there was Raleigh, standing at the doors that led outside, hands leisurely stuffed in his pant pockets. As Chuck screeched to a halt beside him, panting for air, Raleigh checked his watch.

“You really didn’t have to run. You still have 5 minutes.”The older man pointed out and Chuck huffed before straightening and frowning.

“If I hadn’t run, then I would have been late.” He replied and Raleigh gave him his tradition smartass smile. For once, Chuck found that he couldn’t stay mad. He straightened and coughed. “Where are we going anyway? I though since...I asked...that I had to plan?” He added, almost unsurely and Raleigh’s stupid smug smile only widened.

“I figured you weren’t good at this, Hansen. Least I could do.”

“How noble of you.” Chuck deadpanned and Raleigh shrugged easily, smiling and leading the way outside. A chopper was waiting for them and Chuck shakily clambered on board, not even smacking it off as Raleigh helped him up. His balance was still shit because of his currently useless bionic arm but he was working on it. Oh yes. Slowly, anyway.

“You never answered my question.” Chuck said after a brief silence, side glancing at Raleigh. Raleigh in turn, shrugged once more, easing into his seat.

“You’ll see, Hansen.”

It turned out, the first thing they were doing, was getting food. It was nothing fancy. Actually, it was the opposite of fancy. Raleigh, it turned out, was an incredibly simple person and they got fast food to go for which Chuck was actually thankful for. He hadn’t expected a sit down dinner and it made him feel more at ease that it wasn’t. Chuck had never seen or smelt such wonderful noodles. His stomach gave a loud growl but Raleigh kept telling him to wait.

“We’re not far, I promise.”

“You’re testing my stomach’s patience.”

“I’m sure you AND your stomach can wait 5 more minutes.” Chuck grumbled a little but didn’t protest. He was curious, even if he tried not to be obvious about it.

The chopper did touchdown after about 5 minutes of flight and when Chuck did stumble out, his boots crunched on sand. Sand everywhere, with seaweed washed ashore. Chuck laughed, but it was weak and throaty.

“That’s really sappy, Becket.” He forced out, small smile creeping over his face. A beach. He hadn’t been to the beach in years. Even back in Australia, there was just never any time. Chuck missed it like crazy. Raleigh smiled behind him, before elbowing Chuck in the back to get a move on. Chuck grunted but moved, Raleigh following after with the box of food.

He seemed to be scanning the ground carefully as they walked and after a little, grabbed the back of Chuck’s jacket.

“Here is good.” He said easily before flopping down and setting the box of takeout between them. Chuck, who had been studying the beach as they walked, sat down on the other side of the box and peered at Raleigh.

“For a beach, it’s kinda deserted.” He commented and Raleigh shrugged, digging out Chuck’s bowl of noodles and handing it over.

“It’s not that kind of beach.” At Chuck’s quirked eyebrow and slightly confused expression, Raleigh smiled slightly. “You’ll see, alright? I thought your stomach was trying to eat itself.” He added and Chuck decided to drop it. The noodles were smelling freaking fantastic and he was too hungry to care.

After some time of mutual silence, punctuated only by noodle slurping, Raleigh sat back, looking content. It was 6 now, and the sun had slowly started to dip lower in the sky.

“I’m surprised you didn’t bring Max with you.” Raleigh commented, peering over at Chuck who was in midslurp of some noodles. Raleigh laughed his slightly raspy laugh as Chuck swallowed and licked his lips with a shrug.

“He needed a break from me. Figured he’d been worrying.”

“Everyone has been.”

“I mean he worried about me.”

“Who said that’s not what I meant?” Raleigh smirked slightly, shooting Chuck a look and successfully shutting him up. He also seemed to be on the lookout for something and when he spotted it, he smacked Chuck on the arm. “Look, right there.” He said, pointing and Chuck strained his eye a little to look.

Not too far from them, small shapes emerged from the sand, tiny flippers moving rapidly. Raleigh stood and helped haul Chuck to his feet. “Come on, let’s get a closer look.” Chuck could already kind of guess what they were but the two of them moved a bit closer and he felt a faint smile grace his normally grumpy features.

Sea turtles. That explained why no one else was on that beach. “A turtle beach, Becket? How did you even get permission?” To his knowledge, turtle nesting beaches were protected property.

“Hey. We just saved the world. Least they can do is let us look at some turtles.” Raleigh chuckled as they moved in close, the tiny shapes of the freshly hatched sea turtles valiantly struggled their way across the sand to the water. Raleigh stopped to scare away a ravenous seagull as Chuck carefully went around the other side of the little turtle parade. This was definitely an interesting date; playing security detail to freshly hatched baby animals. Raleigh WOULD think of that.

He remembered seeing sea turtles on the Coral Coast when he was younger. It still brought back fond memories of times with his dad and his mum before things went to shit. Memories of before he was a jaded, abrasive asshole. Chuck liked those memories. Even if it was something he could never get back.

Watching Raleigh now, walking along side with tiny baby sea turtles put a small smile on Chuck’s face that he could not get rid of, even when Becket looked over at him. “I guess it’s good I didn’t bring Max.” Chuck said after a moment, smile still present despite himself. “He would have tried to eat them.” Raleigh laughed.

It took some time for the babies to crawl to the ocean and by the time they got back to their box of food, they had to scare away a drove of seagulls. The sun was low on the horizon. Chuck flopped down to sit, shaking his head and actually laughing. “You would think of this kind of thing, Becket. You sap.” Raleigh shrugged and resumed eating his noodles.

“Your smile betrays your words, Hansen.” He shot back, carefully licking his lips. Chuck swallowed. Raleigh didn’t seem to notice. “Anyway, you don’t strike me as a sit down dinner and movie type of guy.”

“Well, you certainly have it figured out, haven’t you?”

“You’re not exactly a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle.”

A long silence passed between them. “I like the beach...” Chuck muttered, staring at the horizon as the sun slowly sunk and shivering slightly as the ocean breeze hit them. “Makes me think of my mum.”

“What was she like?” Chuck paused at those words, frowning. What WAS she like?

“I...can’t really remember too well. I just know the beach is her. ‘S comforting thought I suppose.”

“Happier times, right?”

“Yeah.”

Another long silence passed before Chuck finally braved to say what he had been meaning to say almost all night. He cleared his throat, rubbed at his good eye and frowned before finally speaking. “Hey... thanks for this.” He said at last, gingerly scratching at his new bionic arm. “I didn’t actually think you’d say yes.”

Raleigh laughed that slightly raspy laugh that Chuck liked so much, shaking his head. “You’ve been changing, Hansen. I’d have to be blind not to see it. And it’s not often the guy whose teeth you tried to knock in asks you out a month or so later.” He grinned and Chuck rolled his eye. “But, you’re not so bad once those walls come down. You’re a good man. Your father’s son.”

Chuck jerked at those words, staring at Raleigh like he’d never seen him before. “What did you say?” He breathed, voice raspy and for a moment, Raleigh looked confused.

“You...are your father’s son?” He repeated slowly and Chuck winced, expression breaking a little. Raleigh frowned. “I’m sorry, did I say something...wrong?” He asked slowly.

“Stacker said the same thing before we... well...” Chuck trailed off, grimacing. You are your father’s son. Did that make him a good person? His father was a good person. But it didn’t have to mean that for Chuck. Raleigh watched Chuck’s face intently, his expression unreadable before moving the box of food from between them and sliding closer across the sand. He said nothing but carefully wrapped an arm around Chuck’s shoulders, pulling close. Chuck didn’t resist and soon found his head on Raleigh’s own shoulder, the other man’s fingers in his hair. It was a light gesture, barely felt but Chuck remembered that night at the hospital. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I was awake, you know.” He said at last, deciding to change the subject.

“Hmm?”

“That night...you stayed. I was awake.” The fingers in his hair paused for a moment before he felt the slight rumble of Raleigh’s chest as he chuckled.

“Then I guess this is familiar.” He said simply, watching the last inklings of sun as they disappeared beyond the horizon.

“That’s it?”

“You’re ruining the moment, Chuck.” Raleigh shushed him and Chuck grumbled and growled but settled back against Raleigh, squinting at the horizon. After the sun sank from sight and the skies grew dark, Raleigh shifted slightly.

“I don’t know what you want me to say about it.” He said at last to Chuck’s grumbling. “If you’re looking for an apology for me staying, it’s not happening.”

“I’m not. I just wanted to know why.” Chuck blurted before he could stop himself and felt Raleigh shift under him once more, fingers careful against his scalp.

“Hell if I knew.” Raleigh answered at last and shrugged. “Just felt right, I guess?” Chuck stayed quiet. He felt like doing something really stupid, like shoving Becket into the ocean. Or really sappy. He wasn’t sure which sounded more appealing. After a moment of thought, Chuck carefully reached over, taking Raleigh’s hand in his own good one.

“Careful Hansen, people might think you have a heart.”

“You’re ruining the moment, Becket.” Chuck shot back and Raleigh laughed gently, clasping onto Chuck’s hand carefully, fingers lacing together. The night grew dark, stars twinkling overhead. For the longest time, they stayed quiet and still, watching the skies. Chuck could just picture the silhouettes of jaegers in the distance, tall and menacing but familiar and welcoming. Like long lost old friends. He would miss everyone. He would miss Striker. But at least now, he seemed to be getting something...someone to fill that empty space. Maybe.

Or maybe he was just being stupid, again. Raleigh shifted suddenly, chuckling under his breath. When Chuck elbowed him in the stomach, the older man grunted, but the laughter continued.

“What?!” Chuck demanded at last and he could just FEEL Raleigh’s idiotic grin, even through the darkness.

“Your dad is gonna kill me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in my head, they're stupid shmoopy idiots. I'm sorry if they're not in yours ^^;
> 
> I was actually just as clueless as Chuck for what they should do and while researching Hong Kong I stumbled upon the fact that they have a turtle beach.  
> Fucking perfect.
> 
> Thank you all again for reading and commenting! You guys rock!


	9. No bullshit

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Becket.” Chuck said for the 15th time in about an hour as they finally boarded their helicopter on the way back to the Shatterdome.

“I’m not. He really might kill me.”

“I’m 21. Whether he approves or not doesn’t even really matter.” Chuck said adamantly and Raleigh quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Aren’t you trying to patch things up with your father?”

“Well...”

“Wouldn’t it be a good thing if he at least approves of...this?” Raleigh asked, motioning between them. Chuck grimaced before shaking his head.

“Don’t you think he knows already? I gotta drift with the old man. He knows my brain the best.” Chuck said, trying to close the subject. But Raleigh’s eyebrows winged up further. How would Herc know through the drift...unless...

“But that would mean...”

“No. Not a word.” Chuck shot a look at their pilot, who had been kind enough to fly them around. Raleigh stared at Chuck as if really and truly seeing him for the first time.

“Is that why..?”

“I said ‘not a word.’” Chuck hissed in reply, cutting Raleigh off. He still wasn’t ready to admit to the other man that he’s had a crush on him since he was about 14. Especially not in front of a stranger.  Raleigh wouldn’t stop squinting at him the whole way back, as if trying to hypnotize the answer out of him. Chuck held his ground until they were safely inside the Shatterdome then turned to look Raleigh square in the eyes as the doors closed behind them.

“Maybe one day I’ll tell you.” He forced out at last, staring at Raleigh. It felt awkward again. Raleigh frowned but peered Chuck deep in the eyes before grunting in defeat.

“Fine, fine, have it your way. But if your dad comes to kill me, I’m blaming you.” Chuck, who hadn’t actually expected Raleigh to concede the point, smiled faintly.

“Thanks...Raleigh.” Raleigh smiled his dorky smile and Chuck felt mushy all over. He fidgeted. “This was...fun.” He added, feeling stupid again and making Becket laugh softly.

“That’s ever a compliment if I’ve heard one, Hansen.” He said brightly but something in his eyes softened and he snaked a hand over the back of Chuck’s neck, pulling him close so their foreheads touched.

“You do this with everyone, Becket?” Chuck asked after a moment, despite quite enjoying the contact, allowing his eyes to close for a brief moment.

“Only those who matter.” Raleigh retorted before his lips carefully trailed upwards, pressing gently to Chuck’s forehead. It was a strangely sweet gesture but Chuck practically jerked from it. No one had kissed him on the forehead. Not since his mum’s passing. Raleigh let go and stepped back.

“We’ll do this again.” He promised before waving and disappearing down the hall leaving a flabbergasted Chuck to stare after him. And he stood there staring for a while longer until finally snapping into the moment. Right. It was late. He should go and fetch Max before he started making trouble for Mako.

To his surprise, Mako was still awake. It was close to midnight and she sat where he had found her last time, a book in her lap, gentle music playing over her little radio and Max curled up by her chair, snoozing peacefully. Chuck quietly crept into the room and Mako’s eyes slowly slid up to peer at him. She smiled and patted the chair next to hers. Taking the invitation, Chuck settled beside her, grunting tiredly.

“Did you have a good time?” Mako inquired as she carefully closed her book, leaving it on her lap. Chuck stretched out tiredly but nodded, faint smile tugging at his lips.

“It was...nice.” He studied Mako intently, chewing on his bottom lip. “Hey, this isn’t...weird...is it?”

“Weird?”

“I mean... me asking out your partner.”

Mako laughed gently. “Why would it be weird? You appear to like him quite a bit. It would be weirder if you did NOT ask him.” She said with a shrug, her expression thoughtful. “Although it was iffy for a time.” She added pointedly, Chuck grimacing at those words. ‘Iffy’ was putting it mildly. He had been an utter asshole and he and Raleigh did try to beat each other into bloody pulps.

”But he is a good man.”

 Chuck frowned. “Then what’s he doing with me?” He asked with a grumble.

“You can be a good man too, Mr. Hansen. Especially when you try.”

Chuck smiled faintly at those words before shrugging lazily. “Eh, trying takes effort.”

“Yet here you are.”

Chuck peered at Mako, a little surprised before laughing softly. “Here I am.” He agreed at last, studying her thoughtfully. “Did you know?”

She smiled slyly and shrugged. “I had a feeling.” Chuck also had a feeling that she had a feeling. One of the smartest people he knew. Not many things slipped by Mako Mori, especially in relation to her partner. Chuck’s smile lingered and he carefully rubbed a hand over his bionic arm, tracing the metal wires with his fingers. Mako studied it curiously.

“Does it hurt?”

“The arm?”

“Yes.”

Chuck considered the question honestly. It still felt strange, especially at the merging point of metal and flesh, still not quite his own. Tendo had warned him that it would be like that for a while and there were times when Chuck felt like it would come undone and fall off completely. “Sometimes.” He said at last, grimacing.

“May I...touch it?” She inquired slowly and Chuck relented after a moment’s hesitation, nodding. He carefully unhooked the sling and slid the arm from it. Mako set her book on the table, moving to face Chuck. Slow, delicate fingers slid over the metal and Mako looked to be concentrating quite hard as not to damage it. Chuck couldn’t help but smile.

“It’s fine, you know. It won’t fall apart.” He reassured her.

“This craftsmanship is remarkable.” Mako noted, careful fingers inspecting the weaving of wires and metal to form muscle-like structures.

“Tell Tendo. He’ll burst at the ears.” Chuck smirked, making Mako laugh softly as she stood, helping him wrestle the arm back into its sling. He thanked her, noticing just how often he’d been thanking people recently before hauling himself to his feet and gently nudging Max awake with the tip of his boot.

“Come on, handsome, time to let Miss Mori have some peace.” Max barked and hefted off the floor, Mako giving him a loving pet on the head.

“Good night, Mako.”

“Good night, Chuck.”

Chuck smiled. It was the first time in a long time that she had called him by his first name. He stalked off, Max in toe, feeling surprised on his whole way back to his quarters that he didn’t run into his father. When Chuck slept, he dreamt of baby turtles, flame colored skies and the sound of happy laughter.

The next morning turned into a struggle of trying to find his father. Hercules Hansen seemed to be absent from his quarters and checking Herc’s normal haunts revealed nothing. But that was strange. His father always had a pattern of doing things, especially in the morning.

Wake up, breakfast, Marshall duties, write down Marshall duties, yell at dumbasses who thought messing with kaiju remains was funny, repeat. But today, Herc was on a mission. He was no fool. He was fully aware that Chuck would finally work up the nerve to ask Raleigh the very question burning at the back of his mind since he was bloody 14.

Sodden idiot, thought he could sneak it by his old man. Herc snorted and left his quarters early that morning to fulfill some fatherly duties instead. Chuck would have been incredibly annoyed if he knew. Finding Raleigh wasn’t difficult. He was an insomniac and didn’t seem to sleep much so Herc found him close to his room, chewing on a hard candy and looking thoughtful.

“Oi Becket!” The words were hardly out of Herc’s mouth but he saw Raleigh stiffen, like a guilty man who had just been caught with a handful of jewels. Herc barreled at him just as Raleigh hefted himself to stand. “Don’t think I dunno, Becket.”

“Sir?”

“Don’t play dumb. M’ son may be an idiot, but I know ya aren’t.” He saw Raleigh square his jaw slightly, fidgeting in discomfort. Herc frowned, arms folding across his chest. “Well?”

“I’m not sure what you expect me to say.” Raleigh said at last, frowning but standing his ground. “There was no funny business.”

“Never said there wuz.”

Raleigh’s frown deepened. “Then what’s the problem?”

“Listen here. I almost lost m’ son once. I ain’t seeing him hurt again, ya hear me? He may be an abrasive shit, but he’s still m’ son. “ Herc eyed Raleigh sternly. “No bullshit, yeah?”

“What do you expect that I’ll d...”

Herc cut him off. “No bullshit Becket. Kid’s an idiot, I’ll give you that but... he’s all I got.” Raleigh studied Herc intently before finally nodding.

“I know. It’ll be alright.”

The older man snorted slightly. “Ya got shit taste, kid. He’s a handful. And I say that with love.” He added and Raleigh’s face broke into a smile.

“Maybe I like a challenge? Or I’m masochist. Not sure which one.”

“Well, with all due respect, Becket, I’m pretty sure I know which one it is.” Herc echoed and exchanging looks with Raleigh, both men burst into laughter. Herc clapped Raleigh on the shoulder.

“Yer a good guy, Becket. Maybe ya can help him be one too.”

Raleigh couldn’t help a smile. “He seems to be doing that on his own lately.”

“Yeah, maybe, but he still needs a good kick in the arse sometimes.”

“THAT I can do.” Raleigh paused, eyeing their new Marshall suspiciously. “Is this permission, sir?”

“It is, Ranger. Carry on.” And with a salute, Herc was off, heading off to find his son. He should have a word or two with that boy about all this. He supposed it wasn’t what he had been expecting but if Chuck was happy, who was he to stand in the way of that?

And Hercules Hansen knew better than anyone about how long it had been since his son was truly happy.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't have a Pacific Rim fic without big sis Mako and papa Herc being awesome all up in it. Wouldn't be right. 
> 
> Also, platonic bff Raleigh and Mako are my favorites ever. They're so stinking precious. 
> 
> And I'm not sure if I'm entirely happy with this chapter so possibly expect editing.


	10. Just try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Disclaimer-  
> The idea of Raleigh and Mako travelling the world together after the kaiju war was over actually came from this awesome [ fanart](http://voiceofthetunnels.tumblr.com/post/56353684560/thegentlehoneybee-personal-headcanon-after) by thegentlehoneybee. I just took it and expanded the idea somewhat. I take no credit.

Occasionally, all Chuck felt was guilt for being alive. It crept up on him when he least expected it and he swore and snarled and barricaded himself in his room to try and hide from prying eyes. Having Raleigh in his life now made it simultaneously harder and easier. Easier because it was someone who understood and harder because Chuck was still Chuck and just because Raleigh decided he was worth the effort didn’t make Chuck any less antisocial when it came to his mood swings.

Today was no different, but as luck might have it, Raleigh was off doing something else for most of the day. So Chuck sat alone in his room with Max after failing to find his father, staring at his dog and idly scratching behind his ears. He could still feel as Striker shattered around him. Still see the Marshall’s agonized face as he, bleeding and breaking, shoved the barely conscious Chuck into an escape pod and detonated their payload. He could feel the numbing sensation in his arm. Feel it itch and burn and sear with incredible pain. And now every time he reached for it, Chuck found metal instead of flesh.

He wasn’t sure how to feel about this. He had an arm. But it wasn’t HIS arm. It barely even worked right now. Chuck groaned and stared at his metal hand, flexing his pointer finger slowly. At least it moved. Focusing harder, he tried the rest of his hand. His middle finger twitched but did not move much after that. Chuck all but snarled, startling Max from his lazy doze.

“Sorry bud...”

He should be happy today. The day before was wonderful and he got to spend time with a person who he had liked since he was a teenager. And yet... Chuck frowned. He felt undeserving of this. He didn’t earn any of this affection.

It was during this self hating marathon that Herc Hansen found his son. He barged into Chuck’s room and froze in midword. He could recognize that face anywhere.

“Oh Pete’s Sake, Chuck.”

“What?!” Chuck snapped before his eyes met his father’s and he rubbed a hand tiredly over his face. “Sorry... I just...”

“I recognize that face... what’s the matta’?”

“Same shit, dad. Just... same shit.” Chuck frowned and flexed his finger again. His middle finger jerked a little more. “I still see it.” He croaked out hoarsely and frowned at himself for his weakness. Herc’s expression tightened, stepping closer and sitting down beside his son. Chuck tried to move his hand.

“Chuck. It’s survivor’s guilt, ‘s all alright, yeah?” Herc tried. He was never good at motivational speeches or making his son feel better when he was feeling down. Chuck smiled weakly.

“Raleigh said that too. Survivor’s guilt. Maybe it is. But knowing what it is don’t help cope with it.” He paused and peered over at his father. “Hey... are we gonna be okay?” He asked suddenly and Herc frowned.

“Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Don’t pretend, dad. The drift was all we had.” The words stung. Probably because of the truth they carried. Herc sucked in his cheeks.

“I think tha’s up to ya.” He said at last, giving his son a pointed look. Chuck hissed. Yeah, it was, wasn’t it? It had been this whole time. Why was his father trying to get on his good side when Chuck was the one who resented him after mum’s death? Or FOR mum’s death?

“God, it is, isn’t it?” Chuck breathed at last, chuckling weakly. He couldn’t force the apology out now. It was too late for that. Years too late. It stuck in his throat anyway. Herc watched him quietly before reaching over and carefully rubbing circles over his son’s back. Chuck didn’t protest and didn’t smack his father away.

There they sat, too overwhelmed to actually say anything for the longest time before Chuck finally broke the silence, voice hoarse. “You said you wanted to travel around. Anywhere in particular?”

“Home first, probably.” Herc replied after a moment’s thought, hand still resting easily on his son’s back.

“We even got a home anymore?”

Herc laughed faintly. “Easy fix.” He waved off. Chuck considered for a moment.

“Raleigh mentioned that he and Mako wanted to travel too.” He blurted out finally, feeling ridiculous. His father’s eyebrows winged up before he smiled faintly.

“I’ll talk to ‘em.” Herc said simply, hefting himself to stand. He studied Chuck’s face intently, faint smile still on his face. “You still like him, eh?” Chuck grimaced and wrinkled his nose but nodded at last. “Good. Maybe he’ll smack some sense into ya.”

“Yeah, he tried that once and it didn’t work.” Chuck shot back, his father ‘tsking’ faintly.

“They always say ‘three times the charm.’” He shrugged, hand landing in Chuck’s hair. “Take it easy, Chuck. ‘S a good day. Try ta enjoy it.”

“You didn’t try to beat some sense into HIM did you?” Chuck asked suddenly and Herc couldn’t hold back a laugh. “Fuck’s sa...”

“I know, yer an adult and so is he. ‘S alright. Nothing happened, promise.” Chuck grumbled at this response but Herc’s hand in his hair was careful and gentle. He patted his son. “Ease up, alright? And make sure ya start packing soon. I’ve been told they’re shuttin’ the Shatterdome down.”

“For good?”

“Looks like it.”

Chuck’s expression fell. “Wh...what if they need it again?” He stammered out and Herc quirked an eyebrow.

“The breach is closed, son. Hopefully, they’ll never need this again.” Hercules Hansen said carefully before giving his son’s shoulder a firm squeeze and leaving. Chuck sat on his bed in silence. Shutting down the Shatterdome for good. He spent his teenage years here. Essentially grew up fighting inside a jaeger. To see all that come to an end was a bittersweet feeling. It would be nice, of course, to relax, take some down time. To not have to lose any more comrades to this horrible threat. But Chuck had spent so many of his teenage years in the drift that he wasn’t sure he could even interact with humans normally.

He stood. NOW he wanted to find Raleigh. Seeing his stupid smug smile would make Chuck feel better...somehow. But somewhere in his search, Chuck got derailed. He was passing through the hanger bay where the jaegers used to be housed and he just stopped. And sat down right in front of where Striker used to be. Max whined and curled up at Chuck’s feet and Chuck would have been lying if he said he didn’t feel like whining too.

Workers and engineers bustled by him, finishing the last of their duties before the Shatterdome was shut down and there Chuck sat, ignoring everyone and staring wistfully into empty space.

“It’s not gonna materialize just because you’re staring.” Came the comment from his left side and Chuck didn’t even bother looking over at Raleigh as the other man sat down next to him.

“My whole life was that bloody jaeger.” He said gently. “Sometimes, I like to close my eyes and pretend it’s still there.”

“Does that make things better?”

“Only a little.” Chuck admitted and finally let his gaze rest on Raleigh. “Where ya been?”

“Eh, you know, here and there. Mako wanted to talk. And so did your dad. He offered the four of us travel together.”

“And?”

“Hmmm... I dunno...”

“Oh come on, ya bloody Yank.”

Raleigh laughed. “We both liked the idea, you ass.” Chuck would have punched him if he could. Clever Raleigh for sitting on the side of his currently immobile arm. “Mako liked the idea of seeing Australia too.”

“Maybe we can surf...” Chuck put in, almost dreamily. He’d always wanted to try it. Raleigh rubbed at his stubble. Going to watch sea turtles was one thing...but surfing? Being in the water and in the waves after so long of fighting monstrosities in it?

“I...too soon.” He said at last and Chuck, shooting him a look, realized it was probably too soon for himself as well.

“The Sydney opera house is nice.” He said instead and grew quiet, letting his eyes wander the hanger bay. They sat together, the silence more comforting than it had been before. It actually felt nice to admit it, but Chuck began to feel more and more at ease with Raleigh. Far less hostile. It was as if admitting to himself that he liked the man and consequently asking him out did wonders to soothe his temper.

Yeah, this was nice. Smiling faintly to himself, Chuck Hansen scooted closer to Raleigh and let his head rest on Raleigh’s shoulder. Raleigh did not protest, and Chuck felt his arm around his shoulders once more.

“You’re turning me sappy.” Chuck complained, making Raleigh laugh.

“Good. Maybe we can let you around children.”

“Shaddup.” Raleigh’s laughter echoed and he let his nose nuzzle into Chuck’s hair. Chuck smelled candy and heard the faint clack of it behind Raleigh’s teeth. God, the sodden sap.

“You thought of where else you wanna go?” Came the question from Raleigh. “Mako said she’d like to visit Paris.”

Chuck thought about it. “Is she gonna make us eat snails?”

“Probably.” At Chuck’s noise of disgust, Raleigh ‘tsked’. “Hey, it won’t hurt you to try it, at least once. For Mako.”

“Only for Mako.” Chuck relented after a moment, peering down to see Raleigh’s free hand carefully tracing the metal muscle structures of his bionic arm. Chuck let him. He couldn’t feel the contact but it was strangely relaxing.

“Tendo and his boys did a great job.”

“You should tell him that.” Chuck retorted sleepily, yawning. Raleigh smiled, his other hand carefully tracing through Chuck’s hair.

“I’m not a pillow, Hansen.”

“Yer right. Pillows don’t yap this much.” Raleigh flicked him in the ear. Chuck smiled, eyes closing. “Thanks, Becket. I needed this.” He said after a long silence. He felt Raleigh stir beneath him, his fingers returning to Chuck’s hair.

“Yeah...me too.” Raleigh paused. “Dinner tonight?”

“Yeah, alright. No candles though.”

“No promises.”

Chuck laughed faintly. When did it become so easy all the sudden? What a weight off, to be able to sit like this. To talk like this. He couldn’t thank Raleigh enough even if he tried. So instead, Chuck indulged him in dinner.  

Raleigh set one stubborn candle in the middle of the table and Chuck eyed it for half the meal as if tempted to blow it out or snuff the flame with his fingers. But he didn’t. It was an ambiance that he appreciated. And they talked together and actually laughed together.

And Chuck loved it all. But he loved Raleigh most of all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love the canon that Raleigh constantly has and eats brightly colored hard candies. 
> 
> I'm sorry this isn't much of a plot, but since this was done as more of a character study/evolving relationship thing I'd like to think I have an excuse for my lack of plot? haha.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing my nonsense! I'm sorry I don't reply to each one. You guys are the sweetest!
> 
> Also, Mako kinda reminds me of Elizabeth from Bioshock Infinite so her wanting to visit Paris came straight from that. (I love both these characters so so much, you don't even know.)


	11. Watermelon candy kisses

_“ATTENTION ALL SHATTERDOME PERSONEL.”_ Woke Chuck early that morning, blaring over the loud speakers repeatedly. Raleigh sat awake nearby, chewing on a piece of hard candy with a book opened in his lap. As the speakers blared, he frowned, peering up at the ceiling. Chuck groaned and sat up, rubbing at his good eye.

“Time is it?”

“Six.”

“In the morning?”

“Yup.”

Groaning even louder, Chuck fell back as the speakers continued to blare loudly. Soon, his father’s voice overtook the announcement. “G’morning. I have jus’ been informed that the Shatterdome will officially be shutdown in 2 weeks time. All work must be completed by then. If yer having trouble, please come see me in the Marshall’s office. _This message repeats_.”

Chuck stared at the ceiling. So it was official now. He heard Raleigh make a noise. “Shutdown?”

“Yeah...you didn’t know? They think they won’t need us anymore.” Chuck grumbled. Raleigh grunted and when Chuck rolled over slightly, he could see the older man frowning at his book.

“I hope they won’t...” He said at last.

“Come on, you blew them up. No way they’re coming back, right?” He tried to reassure Raleigh while the announcement repeated twice more before shutting off. Raleigh looked uncertain but set his book aside, watching Chuck thoughtfully. Chuck caught a glimpse of World War II era biplanes on the cover. His lips quirked in a ghost of a smile. Raleigh’s return smile looked more genuine, as was usually the case.

“Have you even slept?” Chuck asked instead and Raleigh shrugged with a particularly loud and well timed yawn, peering at his book.

“I don’t sleep well.”

“Ever?”

“Ever...”

Chuck rolled his eyes and tiredly forced himself from the bed. He had been sleeping in Raleigh’s bed without Raleigh even being in it. “Well, come on, you Yank. It’s still early.” At Raleigh’s quirked eyebrow, Chuck grabbed him by the hand, hauling him up with effort and shoving him on the bed instead.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this was funny business.” Raleigh laughed after a light ‘oof’ as he hit the bed. Chuck grumbled and bent down to flick his nose.

“Funny business, nothing. Sleep.” He practically demanded before flopping down on the bed next to Raleigh, wrapping an arm around him and nuzzling his nose into the crook of Raleigh’s neck. He didn’t fall asleep again until Raleigh’s breathing evened and grew deeper. The deep, slow breathing of sleep. Content with himself, Chuck drifted off as well. After everything, they fully deserved to sleep in.

And sleep in they did. When Chuck finally awoke, it was noon and he was fully tangled with Raleigh, the other man’s face pressed to Chuck’s temples. It took him a moment to orient himself and he almost kicked Raleigh off in panic at the unfamiliar contact. Raleigh grumbled in his sleep and Chuck, finally realizing what was going on, relaxed once more, sinking into the mattress.

This was beyond strange. Next thing you know, they’d be calling each other pet names. No, Chuck thought with a grimace, that was a line that he wasn’t willing to cross. Raleigh would always be _Raaaah_ leigh or Becket or just Raleigh if Chuck WASN’T feeling like being a prat that moment.

Raleigh stirred from sleep, eyes opening blearily to press a sleepy kiss to Chuck’s temple. “G’morning.”

“Afternoon, more like.” Chuck snickered slightly as Raleigh refused to untangle from him for the time being. The older man simply grunted, too content to move. After a while, Chuck grew restless and fidgeted, finally flicking Raleigh’s ear. “’Ey, come on. Time to get up.  I can’t go to physical therapy with you attached to me like a baby koala bear.”

“Aww, no? Can’t drag me?” Raleigh laughed and got a simultaneous flick to the ear and nudge with a heel. “Alright, alright. I’m up.” He said at last, still laughing and untangled himself from Chuck, rolling away from him and off the bed. Chuck heard a dull thud on the floor and snorted, slowly moving to sit up. He felt a bit sore, especially on his shoulder but it was nothing to complain about. Reaching down, Chuck helped Raleigh up before hefting himself to stand. He needed to brush his teeth. This was some terrible case of morning breath. Not that Raleigh didn’t try to be a sap. He grabbed Chuck quicker than Chuck moved, pulling him into his arms.

“Thanks.” He muttered into the crook of the Aussie’s neck. “Haven’t slept well in ages.” Chuck couldn’t help but laugh.

“I didn’t even do anything. Now leggo before I breathe on you.” He felt Raleigh snort against his skin, sending shivers down his spine. “I got morning breath.” He warned and managed an escape to the Shatterdome bathrooms to rinse and brush his teeth, along with a shower. He returned changed and feeling better, securing his bionic arm in its sling. Raleigh had changed as well and currently sat on the bed, rubbing sleepily at his hair. Chuck quirked an eyebrow at him. Raleigh smiled sleepily.

“How long you plan on sticking around before everything is closed?” Chuck blurted at last and Raleigh rubbed at his stubble. He hadn’t shaved in a while.

“Dunno. We don’t really have much reason to be here. Not like they can use us.”

“Oh.”

“I guess you’re staying till the end?”

“No choice. Dad’s the Marshall, so he’s gotta stay and he is intent on this ‘family time’ thing. Sides, I promised Tendo to finish physical therapy.” Chuck shrugged one shoulder idly, flopping down to sit beside Raleigh. The other man seemed to be thinking.

“Guess we’ll stay too. I think Mako needs some closure as well.” He said after a moment.

“How is she handling things?”

“She’s...better. Still a hard thing to come to grips with. But Mako’s a fighter.” Raleigh smiled, proudly and Chuck felt like ruffling his hair. He didn’t. But the inclination was strong. Mako WAS a fighter. Both her and her partner were fighters. They’ve both faced tragedies. They would overcome.

Max waddled through the door as they sat together, Chuck bending down to scratch lovingly behind his dog’s ears. Max’ stump of a tail wagged enthusiastically, making Chuck smile. Raleigh chuckled beside him before clapping a hand on Chuck’s shoulder.

“Come on, let’s go get breakfast.”

Chuck paused a moment, seeming to consider before quickly grabbing the other man’s wrist. He didn’t  give Raleigh a chance to ask as he pulled himself up, simultaneously tugging the other down so their lips could meet halfway. And Raleigh, who at first tensed like a bowstring, relaxed suddenly.

And Chuck was gratified in the proof that Raleigh’s lips were as soft, and perhaps as chapped as he had expected. He ended up using the other man for leverage as he stood to his full height, not breaking the kiss quite yet. It was a bit sloppy and messy, with too much tongue, but Chuck was honestly surprised that his lips found their mark at all. Even now he could taste watermelon candy on Raleigh’s lips.

Raleigh pulled him in instead of shoving him away, calloused fingers pressed lightly to the firm line of Chuck’s jaw. Chuck’s first real kiss and it was with Raleigh freaking Becket. It took everything in him to keep his composure and when he pulled away, Raleigh quickly grabbed him in a second, smaller kiss. Chuck smirked.

“Alright. Let’s go get breakfast.” He said lightly and strolled out of the room. Raleigh laughed despite himself, exchanging looks with Max.

“How about that, huh?” Max barked happily and waddled after his human, Raleigh following after and shutting the door behind them. They ate breakfast together before Mako joined them, Max more than willing to slobber all over her as she laughed. Chuck let them talk in peace as he ate, watching the two quietly and enjoying the strange companionship that he had never really experienced before.

Friends. More than friends. The words were odd to Chuck Hansen. But he was growing to like them quite a lot. God, being around Raleigh was really turning him into a bloody sap. But peering over at the laughing man sitting next to him, Chuck softened. Yeah... he was a sap. But that was okay. Chuck was beginning to suspect that part of the reason he liked Raleigh so much was his unabashed acceptance of everything Chuck shied away from. Human interaction, for one.

Chuck smirked into his porridge. Some more time spent around Raleigh and next thing you know, Chuck Hansen would turn into a perfectly socially adjusted, pleasant human being.

Fat chance.

It was later when the three of them were drafting plans of where to go and what to do after the Shatterdome closed down that Chuck realized he had completely neglected to go to physically therapy that day and spent the rest of the time agonizing over what sort of fancy coffee to get for Tendo in apology.

It would have to be something nice, especially while Chuck was really trying to be social. And not an asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. This is incredibly unsubstantial. Consider this a filler for stupid shmoop and because I got a request for kisses. So here's a kiss. It's... a wee disappointing? I dunno, not overly fond of this but I just want to have an actual progression without skips in time.
> 
> Lalalalal why did this take so long? *rolls face on keyboard* 
> 
> thank you lovely readers, for reading!


	12. Home

Two weeks until closing. Two of the strangest weeks of Chuck Hansen’s life. He could see the obvious signs of the Shatterdome getting ready to shut down for good. So much important technology packed away for storage. So many people starting to leave as they finished with their tasks. The majority of those two weeks were spent saying goodbye.

The Striker engineers that had stuck around for this long had slowly began to leave for home and the crying engineer who had shoved the bouquet of peonies into Chuck’s hand at the memorial found him later in the first week to say goodbye. Chuck was baffled but she smiled and thanked him. And Chuck, caught up in the moment, thanked her right back. He couldn’t say he remembered her well, but she was a part of his and his father’s team and that warranted something. And Raleigh was standing behind him anyway. He couldn’t be an ass. Not that he actually wanted to.

She left with a smile and Chuck felt like a decent human being for the first time in ages. The whole week was a bit like that. Chuck wondered if he would ever see these people again and found it strange that it even mattered to him. They were all essentially strangers, brought together under a common cause and now that the cause was over, there was no real reason for them to remain. Probably for the best. He wondered just how much of his life he had missed out on, being stuck in training.

Two weeks of goodbyes, and physical therapy and being pressed to the wall and fingered by Raleigh in the showers as they both tried to keep noise and laughter to a minimum. The strangest two weeks of Chuck’s life. And then; they were over. They were leaving.

But Chuck still had a few things to take care of before departure, so with his bag slung over one shoulder and his cap firmly on his head, he trotted off to find Tendo, Max at his heels.  Not that Tendo was hard to find. The Shatterdome technician was packing as well and Chuck managed to catch him before he sealed his room for good.

“Last day, eh? Feels weird, doesn’t it?” Tendo snickered as he spotted Chuck trotting down the hall towards him. Chuck didn’t even come to full stop before he was digging around in his bag. He produced a brown paper bag and shoved it into Tendo’s hands before the shorter male could protest. Tendo quirked an eyebrow at him. Max barked up at him excitedly.

“Just a thank you. You know...for the thing...” Tendo’s eyebrows remained quirked. “Just open it.” Chuck demanded, with mock impatience and Tendo grinned up at him.

“Being around Raleigh is softening you up, Hansen.” He teased and saw Chuck’s jaw square in indignation.

“Just bloody o...”

“Alright, alright.” Chuck had actually agonized quite a bit. He wanted to thank Tendo properly for everything he had done, especially with regards to Chuck’s bionic arm but nothing felt adequate enough. So the contents of the bag ended up being the fanciest coffee Chuck could find, a particularly large coffee mug with the Pan Pacific logo emblazoned on it and dog tags. Tendo took the dog tags out a little wearily. Official dog tags.

“I’m no soldier...”

“No. But we couldn’t have done it without you. And uh...well...thanks.” Chuck said at last. Tendo let a finger slide over the fine metal of the dog tags before smiling a fool.

“Sappy, Hansen.”

“Shaddup.” Tendo laughed before extending his hand out to Chuck. At first, Chuck went to shake it before suddenly remembering himself. It took quite a bit of concentration but slowly, Chuck’s bionic arm rose, carefully bending at the elbow while his fingers flexed and ever so gently wrapped around Tendo’s own hand. “Thanks.”

“You too, brother. Keep in touch.”

“Hey, what happened to the nerd brigade?”

“Geiszler and Gottlieb? Oh, they got some speaking tour gig, talking about the science of all this.” Chuck actually laughed.

“They’re getting PAID, by other people, to talk about this dross?” Tendo chuckled and shrugged while Chuck allowed his fingers to carefully unfurl from the shorter male’s hand.

“A gig’s a gig, right?” Tendo grinned, patting Chuck’s bionic arm. “You take care of this beauty, you hear? I don’t want to find out she got ruined by your neglect.”

“Promise.” Bidding Tendo a final farewell, Chuck trotted off again, bionic fingers flexing for practice. It had taken him all of those two weeks to finally get movement into his arm and he wasn’t about to lose it again. The hardest part was of course gaging how much strength needed to be used for various tasks and not for example, squeezing the life out of someone while trying to give them a handjob. Chuck snorted at the thought and sped up.

 He still made it back to the helicopter landing area before any of the others and stood there quietly, dumping his bag at his feet while Max ran around him in excitement. Chuck took a moment to reflect. All of this was hella odd. He had gotten so used to training and danger and living inside a giant robot that going off to normal, civilian life felt like a downgrade. But he’d have his dad, and Max and Raleigh and Mako and as far as Chuck was concerned, that was starting to look like a nice prospect. It would perhaps give him and his father a chance to mend what was broken so many years ago and give Chuck a chance to be with people he had genuinely grown to care about.

It was Mako who joined him first, squatting down to lovingly pet Max as the bulldog waddled over to her, wagging his little stump of a tail. “Everyone running late?”

“Eh, dad said he had some things to finish and Raleigh’s off being...Raleigh.” Chuck shrugged and Mako smiled gently, setting her bag aside to pet Max properly.

“This is so strange.” She commented after a moment and Chuck quirked an eyebrow at her. She smiled and elaborated. “Leaving, I mean.”

“Yer not kidding.”

“I think...I might enjoy it though.”

“Yeah?”

“It will be... different. But calm. I’ve missed the calm.” Chuck considered those words, rubbing at his stumble covered chin.

“Yeah. But different can be good.”

“Yes.” She laughed gently. “What an odd little group we will make.” Chuck laughed, carefully letting his arms fold across his chest, studying Mako curiously. She seemed a bit more relaxed now. As if she had come to peace with everything that had happened. He imagined it was hard for her to do. He also kept imagining that perhaps she had hoped it would be the Marshall in that escape pod, and not him. Chuck coughed nervously.

“’Ey Mako. How...how have you been?” He asked at last. Mako considered the question.

“I have been... better. I think it took some time to adjust to everything. To come to terms. But I am glad.”

“He was a helluva guy.”

“Yes. Yes he was. I will always be grateful for him being a part of my life.”

“Don’t you...wish he was back?”

“More than anything. But I think wishing can be quite useless. The best I can do is honor his spirit. And the last thing he would have wanted me to do is pine.” Chuck considered. That’s all he had been doing most of his life. Pining for his mother.  His eye. His arm. Maybe Mako had a point. Maybe this would help him. He smiled, breathing out a soft ‘yeah’, just as Raleigh appeared at the doors, Herc following behind him.

“Well, kids. This is it.” Hercules Hansen said, rather loudly, clapping his hands together and peering around the helipad with a deep inhale. Raleigh looked as torn as Chuck felt. Mako stood slowly.

“I hope they won’t need this again.” Chuck heard Raleigh mutter and partially agreed. Herc grunted.

“You and me both, Becket. Come on, we got one of the last choppahs outta here.”

“Where are we going?” Was the gentle question from Mako and Herc smiled easily at her.

“Sydney, first. I hear ya guys have been plannin’. We’ll go from there.” Chuck’s heart leapt a little. Sydney. God...Sydney. Home. The word sat comfortably in his brain as he clambered onto their chopper after his dad, hefting Max into his arms.

“Home...” He breathed and Herc smiled faintly as he settled beside his son.

“Home.”

The chopper blades whooped into life above them and Chuck felt Raleigh’s hand slide into his own. And Chuck Hansen would forever thank Stacker Pentecost for being allowed to experience these moments. He owed his life to a dead man. But now he felt like he could actually live it. With this strange little family he was growing quite fond of.

And part of Chuck began to feel like he was home already.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm...actually kinda fond of this chapter. Part of me really likes exploring the relationships that could have been forged had Chuck lived and been able to progress as a character/human being. Also, it makes me simultaneously really sad. 
> 
> And no I didn't write this while listening to sad Mass Effect piano music...not at all... *sideeyes*
> 
> Anyway, I can't thank everyone enough! I honestly never expected people to respond the way they have and it's really gratifying to know that people like this. Thank you, you lovely people!!! <3


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